The Finger

Well its Halloween today and I thought what better time to reproduce the account by Alf, our Assistant Manager here of one of his experiences about 5 years ago and possibly explains his irrational fear of the gents toilets at the Lost World.
"I had gone down the stairs into the toilet one morning to have a quick dump. The toilets were clean as Mini Rhino had cleaned them only yesterday, after flushing the toilet I strolled over and filled the basin next to the mirror.
I felt dreadful! It was quarter to eight Wednesday morning back in 2002, neither here nor there, but I remember it was nearly Christmas thank god, I remember thinking could have a rest over Christmas.
Suddenly. . . I heard a noise like tapping. . . ..tapping finger on porcelain. . I looked around the toilet and no-one was there. . .weird.
I proceeded to fill the basin so I could have my daily bath and there it was again a tapping sound.
I looked to the sound of the tapping this time and to my astonishment I saw a finger it was popping out of the plug hole of the wash basin, occasionally it tapped at the porcelain around the plug.
At first I thought this is a good practical joke, where's Jeremy Beadle, I looked under the basin and all appeared normal.
How can a finger be doing that I thought, I must be hallucinating, I blinked my eyes and still there was the finger, like it was waving to me.
This cannot be real, how can a finger be there. . .
Just A Finger by itself as plain as day!
I just couldn’t believe it in the basin of the office toilets there was a finger busily poking out of the plug-hole and waving at me! It then proceeded to tap around the hole like a lost gesture.
This cannot be happening I’m hallucinating too little sleep and too much stress that's what it was, but it was there as clear as day.
In a moment of blind panic, I left the basin near the mirror and shot out of there.
I was met outside the toilets by the The Honeymonster and he gave a quick run down of what was happening in the plant I forget the details, so in a zombie like wide eyed state ( strangely he didn’t ask me if I was alright ) I made my way up back into the office.
Mini Rhino who was near the photocopier copying some sheets remarked to me as I sat down at my desk “you look rough ... late night?”
“Er yes… er no a finger er….” I said mumbling my reply
Mini Rhino then asked me looking a bit concerned if I was okay
It was afternoon before I dared venture into the Office toilets again. . .Of course Alf you was imagining it - how can there be a finger in the wash basin in front of the mirror - where is the rest of this person?
I sneaked round the corner into the toilets and to my relief all the basins were empty.
I looked around as I more confidently entered and noticed the cubicle was engaged, then in all most a second later I heard the toilet flush.
Father Bell emerged, and rushed out quickly washed his hands in the haunted basin then dashed off like a whirlwind.
I was just stood in the toilets with no reason for being there but he seemed almost oblivious to my presence probably assuming that I was waiting for the smell to dissipate before entering the cubicle.
I must have been stood there rooted to the spot for a good ten minutes before I dare stare at basin which looked completely normal, totally absent of any evidence of there ever been a finger, just the gently dripping tap which Father Bell hadn’t turned off fully in his urgency to get back to his busy schedule.
Cautiously I walked over to the plug-hole of the basin and looked down.
To my astonishment I heard a whoosh sound and was greeted by the friendly finger popping out of the hole again; I fell back in astonishment, I must be mad.
I ran out of those toilets that day and to this day I do not like to go in there if I can at all help it, I certainly don’t linger in there as much as I used to.
I really don’t know what it was I saw but I just want to ask anyone else out there if they have witnessed anything similar?"
Well I hope that chilled you a little I also included the story in Issue #6 of the infamous Jungle Telegraph, the thing is to this day Alf swears the story is true and I have asked him on numerous occasions if he had been drinking or smoking some illicit substances but he denies it.

Anyway I really lost my temper last night and saw red, I got home after a hard days work and my lazy schitzophrenic brother "The Ticking Bomb" was playing his crappy rock music again, I just dont know why he cant listen to it on his personal sterio, it just really winds me up that he is at home all day doingnothing and finds it funny playing his sh*t the minute I get home.
Anyway I have got some blown fuses ready to implant in his sterio next time he leaves his bedroom and goes for a walk somewhere!

Virus Warning

Its Tuesday here at the lost world and our lovely Headmistress has been to see us to talk to Dolph and Mr Biffaman about how we dispose of our rubbish, we now need to dispose of different materials in different bins depending on what material it is.
She came just in time to see me performing a risk assessment on how best to move the clock back one hour which is on the wall behind my desk, since in the UK we have to move all our clocks back in the Autumn and forward in the spring to save daylight, though how it saves any daylight someone must tell me one day.
It was lovely to see the Headmistress again, I used to work with her in a office at Flintstones Park back in the days of the evil empire which was under the command of "Big Brother" and his friends who at the time I believed were Aliens - well this era fell on the tail end of my last battle with alcohol.
The Headmistress was a very meticulous young lady and would form numerous piles of papers on her desk of jobs which were to be completed in the near future, now, when she went out of the office I would move the piles of papers on to the floor so when she came back she would have to bend down to pick them up again.
I guess saying this I am just confessing as in Step 4 of the AA Program to past misdemeanours, anyway she looked lovely today - just like she does in my dreams.
I gave her Harry Potters DVD's of the episodes of Heroes to pass on to Cruella Potter at Flintstones Park so she in turn could pass these on to her husband and I could feel a brief spark of electric as our hands briefly touched together.
Then she was gone, she did shout Goodbye Michael but I wasnt sure which Michael she was talking to since Dolph, Alf and myself all share the alias "Michael" while working here at the Lost World.
So thats it now, its dinnertime here at The Lost World and my blood pressure is returning back to normal, Father Bell is in a bad mood with his men, Alf is eating his onions and The Honeymonster is talking about the popgroup, "Take That", while reading his paper, Dolph is in the back office in Stealth Mode.


I went to AA last night after missing the week before because Luke was staying at my house, Tony "eyebrows" Blair was chairing and Aussie was celebrating her 5th AA Birthday with a Grateful share. I felt really, I dont know, like I was far away from the AA lifeboat and I headed off into the darkness soon after the meeting concluded, I did feel better having been but I can see how easy it is to slip away from attending meetings.
Its like yes I could stay at home and be equally determined not to drink again but when you are in them rooms you feel something larger than yourself and much more powerful and I know it is wise to keep in contact at least once a week because well alcohol is also cunning, baffling and powerful and can soon play tricks on a isolated mind.



Finally I have got an urgent virus warning for you all which came round our site today and well I just thought I had better pass it on...
NEW VIRUS WARNING
If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous Email virus yet.
It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles . It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.
It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your coca cola and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over.
It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic.
Badtimes will make you fall in love with your boss. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.
It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of Badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.
Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will wantonly remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, and refill your skim milk with whole. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
These are just a few signs.
Be very, very afraid.
PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!!
VirusCentral

Living In The Present (but just taking a peek at the past)

9 years is the gap between these two photos of me, Buttercup and Luke, the first was took in 1998 at a Bowling Tournament and the second one at our Wales holiday earlier this year, how time strides on eh, only I think I look younger now.

I have been going through all my 8GB of digital photos on my server and sorting them out so they are in folders of each person, its just a little project I like to do every so often because well you take all these digital photos and you never even look at the majority of them and only a tiny fraction ever get printed out.

Well I have had a great weekend, we went for a lovely walk yesterday afternoon, me, Luke, Miss Boley and Stig (Lukes little brother), Buttercup wasnt back from Spain till last night at 11pm and she wouldnt want to come anyway because she is too old for playing out now.

Miss Boley fell in the canal, I think due to all the green algae on there she thought it was solid ground but she soon found out it was water, then we took a shortcut through a hole in this steel fence near the sewage works and ended up having to climb through all these brambles which annoyed Miss Boley even more however both Stig and Luke loved the adventure.

I cant help but think though soon Luke wont want to go for silly walks with his dad and will rather "hang out" with his mates like Buttercup has started doing and all those years that I have taken them both out will be sadly over, I know it sounds pathetic but you know I have loved watching them grow up right from when Luke was just 3 in the first picture to now when he is nearly 13, how he thought of me as a superhero who knew all the answers to now when he considders me a source of money.

Watching them building dens in the local woods when I used to be still drinking, Buttercup would be in charge telling Luke what to put where and Luke obligingly doing as he was told, the time when I learned Luke how to ride a bike but his hands couldnt reach the brakes or when I decided to tie a rope on his bike so I could tow him up this hill.

He fell off and said to me when I went back to see if he was okay "Stupid daddy why does it always end up with me on the floor!".

It makes me think that your real memories, real life always seems to happen to you when you are busy making other plans, now I know I gotta live in the present moment, make most of each day.

So I am back here at my Lost World post sat in front of the computer, its Bonfire night here in the UK this weekend and I will be going up to my friends house "The Zookeeper" to have our annual bonfire plus lots of fireworks, of couse I will be going fully armed with my camera and mini tape recorder to try and capture life as it happens.

Sales today have been abysmal, at the top of this months charts is still Tim The Terapin, while Stumpy drops another 2 places and Keith Chicken and Bruce Forcythe battle it out for second position

Move Last Posn Position Haulier Quan Sold
> 1 1 Tim Terapin 73660
▲ 3 2 Keith Chicken 61196
▲ 4 3 Bruce Forcyth 60835
▼ 2 4 Stumpy 57656
▲ 7 5 Ken & Barbie 45396
▼ 5 6 Dolvy / Archers 42792
▲ 42 7 Harry Potter 42229
▲ 11 8 J14BTS / Apple & Mango 37516
▼ 6 9 P546KYC / Jeff Rudge 36688
▼ 8 10 Shadrack 34180
▲ 13 11 Jerramy Rudge 30092
▼ 9 12 Alan Douglas 28828
▼ 10 13 Dino / Archers 27749
▼ 12 14 Trevor / Archers 25857
▲ 16 15 PN02YVH / Martin 21488
▼ 14 16 Richard Stopcroft 20701
▲ 35 17 Dicky 17512
▼ 15 18 P542FPY / Cartwright 16040
▼ 17 19 Van Damn 13014
>> NEW 20 Jason Rudge / V2RBC 12676
Harry Potter is at this weeks No7 and I have done a deal with him that he gives me his picture for my "Whos who" database I am making and I will give him all the episodes of Heroes, but he hasnt been in since.
Anyway I better get back to work and face the future again.

Why Do We Blog?

Find a free blogging service, such as www.blogger.com
Register a catchy yet philosophically deep name for your new blog: "lifesucks"; "All Things Me"; "Lifehacker"; "Playing With Matches"; "The Internet Slacker", "I Stalk David Hasselhoff" or in my case “Madmickstories”
Make sure the template is ready for your first blog entry. You can do this by going to your new blog's URL address and seeing if the page loads properly. It will have no posts yet, of course, as you have not actually written your first blog entry.
Click on the "Create Post" selection. The window will reload with a box for you to type text in.
Put fingers to keyboard in preparation to type your first blog entry.
Realize in horror that you have absolutely no idea what you're going to write about.
And you've got a whole blog ahead of you.
Pace back and forth while racking your brain for a great post.
Cast resentful looks at your computer monitor while thinking of something really profound which is going to change the world
Come up with a touching yet funny childhood memory you can write about, like when you and all the other fat kids in the neighbourhood used to take down the ice cream man not unlike a pack of lions ravaging a wounded gazelle.
Or, make your first post about something “out of this world” such has why we are here on this puny little planet contemplating why we are here
Or, make a heartfelt confession about how guilty you feel that you could never be a vegetarian because you salivate every time a nature documentary appears on the television.
Sit back down at your computer desk with your great idea.
Complete your first post.
Experience a fleeting sense of satisfaction that you now have a blog with an actual entry, even though it details your sexual attraction to Yoda.
Immediately phone all your friends and family to tell them the URL. Remind your grandmother that 'madmickstory' in your blog's address is spelled "all one word".
Reload your blog incessantly every two minutes to see if anyone has made a comment.
Become enraged when the very first comment made on your very first blog entry is "yuo are teh sUxx0r!" from Anonymous or another of those posts by Micky from Australia who thinks by joining AA you have become a dark agent like Darth Vador or Emporer Palpatine
Go outdoors to calm down and get some fresh air, since you've spent twenty-two hours now working on your blog.
Tell every person you encounter - jogger, police officer, frantic paramedic - your blog's URL.
Head back home when an idea for a blog entry comes to mind, such as the rudeness of paramedics who can't be bothered to talk about your blog because they are busy helping some someone who has been inexplicably electrocuted by lightning emanating from your fingers.
When back at your computer, immediately refresh your blog's page to see if any more comments were made while you were gone.
Grip the edge of your computer desk when the second comment reads "I said yuo are teh sUxx0r!" by Anonymous
Click on the "make new post" button on your blog.
Realize with horror you've totally forgotten the good writing idea.
Write your second post: how people who make dumb comments on blogs should be strung up by their genitals with barbed wire.
Complete the second post.
Stand up and get a third drink of coke to calm you down from the blogging experience.
Watch TV while thinking you shouldn't watch so much television since experiencing life would probably make for a blog that's actually interesting to read. By going out more, you'll be able to continue to spread the address of your blog to bemused strangers, too.
Accept phone call from your grandmother asking you to change 'madmickstories' in your blog's name to something more sensible.
Refuse and hang up phone.
On the way back to the television, refresh your blog's page again to see if there are any more comments.
Experience relief when third comment is a non-abusive one. Become incredibly depressed when you discover it is written by a fellow blogger Micky who is now accusing you of worshipping the devil just because you want to stop drinking
Stand up and get a much larger, stronger drink only you cant because you are an alcoholic and that is the reason you started blogging in the first place!
Consider making your third post. forget blogging for now, go to bed.
Just before you fall asleep, realize with horror you'll need to repeat steps # to . Slip into an uneasy nightmare about being forced to type the word "sUxx0r" on a flaming keyboard while chained to Jabba the Hutt, who keeps demanding "More! More! Jakatooie Blogga Dooie! More!!!"
Wake up in the morning. Scream.
Read the new comments posted on your blog. Scream again.
Repeat for the rest of your life.
Welcome To Blogging!

Hey its Friday and another week comes to a close, The Honeymonster has broken another chair I am absolutely delighted that afterall Shadow has decided to continue blogging afterall.
I love blogging really, it gives me a good feeling probably because it helps me talk to myself, psychiatrists always promote the idea of writing things down for you to make sense of things.
Until 1996 I was chronically depressed, terrified of the world then I started writing a bit of a newsletter for my old works called Sellers where I worked from April 1991 until November 2000 as a labourer, you can view a selection of these letters here
Ironically I was made redundant as a result of the number of people reading these letters and when a customer of the company read my description of the latest Sellers "Horizon Elite" which I had called "The Weird And Wobbly" I was made redundant.
I started blogging on the net in 2004 using http://www.homestead.com/ which is a fantastic tool and I use this for my sister website http://www.madmickstories.com/ and I have used this since by first day sober on 30th August 2004.
I started using Blogger with http://madmickstories.blogspot.com/ which was my first attempt at a blogger blog, I continued this from September 2005 until December 2005 when I decided to give up blogging altogether.
The depression then started to return so I started this blog in May 2006 but during that period of absence I still posted the odd "story" on Mad Mick Stories. Homestead costs about £2.50 per week but you get your own web design tools, your own domain which is registered etc but you dont get the same well friendship and feedback as you do with blogger.
For me blogging is a form of antidepressant and I know if I get depressed I am in danger of getting that feeling of wanting to escape which in the past as found me using all sorts of substances to achieve an artificial "high"

My Task Audit

Busy day today here at the Lost World but on my travels doing our end of month stock take I did manage to snap a quick photo of this months No8 driver Shadrack.
He wasnt too keen as you can see to having his photo taking probably suspecting he might find his head grafted on to big fat people, monkeys or inside the suit of a teletubbie.
I should have the new Issue 18 of the Jungle Telegraph out for the end of next week, it should be another bumper issue and includes a Agony Aunt section for Nak, loads of photos I have done throughout the month, an interview with China one of the fitters here plus of course the usual spewl from our manager Dolph who has arrived back today after spending a week in Hong Kong.
I also was given a Task Audit this morning by a senoir member of the empire and he asked me what I would do to change a lightbulb and I replied that I would call an electrician, but I did add that due to working at heights legislation we can no longer put the clock back one hour for British Summertime which is on the wall behind my desk and we cant stand on the desk because it has no safety railings.
I also said that when walking round the office I watch out for obstacles such has desks which have sharp corners and Chairs that have collapsed or are on the verge of collapse because they have had either Dolph or The Honeymonster sat in them.
I always check under my desk for spiders and snakes, even though the chances of one being there is neglidgable but well you cant be too careful, and when sitting in front of my computer I adopt a posture which annoys Alf.
When I go out on the yard, I always where breathing aparatus in case all the molecules in the air evacuate the place where I happen to be stood or the smell of The Honeymonsters socks overwhelm me, and I always wear a hardhat in case of falling satilites that were put up in space by the Russians in the 1970s.
I always where my safety goggles in case of a kamakazi fly happens to hit me in the eye while I am chasing Father Bell round the Yard, temporarily blinding me and possibly causing me to collide with a pack of bricks or Pinky and Perky on their Forklift Trucks.
Finally I always where a Hi Viz Jacket and a pair of flashing deely-boppers so that wagon drivers can see me while they negotiate the yard, though sometimes I dont think this is too beneficial to my health since some of the drivers, in particular shadrack might consider me a target for collision.
Anyway I am missing Shadow already in blog-world but other than that I am feeling okay, I am a bit tired and feel a bit resentful that I have not had no messages on the singles site for ages, I feel also a bit of an headache coming on but this is probably the result of the smell of paint.
We have been having our house painted by the Ice Queens new feller, The Russian Spy and Luke has spent all the week at my house so I aint got much in the way of Step 11 meditation time or floating about the house having Out Of Body Experiences.
At least I still got Molly and Kathy Lynn to talk to :)

Squashed!

Here is a picture of The Honeymonster and Father Bell hard at work at there desks, they both work in the same area of our office at The Lost World and has you can probably see it is a bit of a squeeze when they are both at there desks at the same time.
Well its Wednesday here at The Lost World and Luke has been at my house all week, so nice to have a bit of company on a night when I get home from work, we were talking to Buttercup on MSN, she is spending her half term Holiday in Spain with her mum, Dominating Donna, her step dad Silverback Bennet and her little brother The Uphill Gardnener.
I have written a new story about her and her friends to accompany the video I posted on here on Monday and its called Three Little Girls and you can read it by clicking here.
Well it should be a nice relaxing afternoon here, Dolph I believe has come back into work today but is away on another site and Alf is having the afternoon off which leaves just Me, Honeymonster and Father Bell in the office.
The Honeymonster has been complaining he was hit by a scam, he answered a company newspaper advert claiming to be able to supply imported hard core pornographic videos.
As their prices seem reasonable, he placed an order and made a payment via a check.
After a few weeks, the company wrote back explaining that under the present law they were unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted.
So they return The Honeymonsters money in the form of a company check.
However, due to the name of the company, The Honeymonster was embarrased to present the check to their banks.
The name of the company: "The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company."
He has warned the rest of us to watch out for simular scams.
Looking back at my blogging the last few weeks I am glad to be able to report that I have come back down to earth a bit, I got to try and avoid that analysis head which pops up from time to time which brings with it all these majestic universal theories, I need to try and not only live in the day but live in this world as well.
Just been looking at jokes and I loved this about ten things to do in an escallator...
1) Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
2) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
3) Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
4) Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
5) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
6) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
7) Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
8) Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
9) Start brushing off invisible bugs from your arms, screaming "Aaughh! Get them off!"
10) Laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other passengers like they are crazy.
I just wonder sometimes if anybody ever tries doing any of this stuff!

Im Luggin' It

Here is Dolph, my boss, Alf gave me this photo of him as I had never seen him before, seems that despite swallowing tape worms and just eating nuts, berries and weetabix he still cannot cut out the Mc Donalds.
Luckily Dolph has been on Holiday in Hong Kong for the past week and doesnt seem to have stuck to his strict diet.

Bad news it seems for all the Take That fans in the UK, this time last year they had there come back single "Patience" at No 1 and Album Beautiful World at No1 in the Album Charts.
The second single to be lifted from the album "Shine" also stormed in at No1 this year back in February but it seems the comeback was mostly on nostalgia when the third single "I'd Wait For Life" crawled in at just No17 before vanishing just as fast, but despite this Take That wrote a brand new song for the film Stardust and this has been released this week and is called "Rule The World" but it dont look like they will Rule the Charts according to virgin medias website;
"Leona Lewis is set to hit the No 1 spot with her new single - beating her rivals Take That.
The X Factor winner's single Bleeding Love and Take That's Rule The World hit the shelves on Monday - and Leona was outselling the boy band by three to one in Woolworths, reports The Sun. She was also No 1 in the download charts on iTunes.
The 22-year-old is also outselling Britney Spears' new track Gimme More by 10 to 1 in Woolworths.
At HMV stores Leona is outselling Take That by 2 to 1 - with McFly beating both of them with their new single The Heart Never Lies.
An HMV spokesman told the paper: "We're selling twice as many Leona singles as we are Take That, though right now they're both being outsold by McFly.
"However, McFly releases always tend to start strongly due to their avid fan base and then level off, so the signs are looking really good for Leona landing her second UK No 1 come the end of the week." "
The Honeymonster says he is absolutely devastated at the news that hs favourite band aint going to make No1, Father Bell is talking suicide and Alf says he is not really that bothered about it, I myself thought that Take That would of done it because it was really had to find a free download of the song meaning that many people would have to actually buy it.
Anyway taling of charts...
Yesterday I forgot to post our drivers league for last week, so here it is for October 1st to October 22nd inclusive...
Move Last Posn Position Haulier Quan Sold
> 1 1 Tim Terapin 69140
> 2 2 Stumpy 57656
▲ 4 3 Keith Chicken 51980
▲ 7 4 Bruce Forcyth 44429
▼ 3 5 Dolvy / Archers 42792
▼ 5 6 P546KYC / Jeff Rudge 36688
▼ 6 7 Ken & Barbie 35000
>> NEW 8 Shadrack 32372
▲ 34 9 Alan Douglas 28828
>> NEW 10 Dino / Archers 27749
▼ 8 11 J14BTS / Apple & Mango 27120
▼ 10 12 Trevor / Archers 25857
▲ 26 13 Jerramy Rudge 23180
▲ 45 14 PN02YVH / Martin 21488
▲ 42 15 Richard Stopcroft 20701
▼ 9 16 P542FPY / Cartwright 16040
▲ 21 17 Van Damn 12245
▼ 11 18 CN05FLR / Martin 10848
▼ 12 19 Craigs 10848
▼ 13 20 Gary 10764
It is with great pleasure I welcome back "Shadrack" who after writing off his old wagon has bought a new one and makes a brand new entry at No8 while Tim the Terapin holds firm at the top but this is only probably because Stumpy has gone on Holiday.

Most depressed "out of office" message must go to "Uncle Fester" at Flintstones Park, which his phone is still announcing a Holiday he had at the beggining of the month and I wish I had brought my tape recorder and I could podcast it, I could do that tommorow if its still there, anyway it goes... "Hi... This is [Uncle Fester]..... slightly audiable sigh
I am on holiday till first of October [in monotone]
you can either leave me a message or phone back later... [!]"
It had all of the occupants at The Lost World office in stitches of laughter, because he sounds just so really happy and full of the joys of life... er not.
I dont know if you remember that Alf was selling his tyre, anyway it was in The Jungle Telegraph Issue 17, well he has given up hope and decided to take it back home to his garage now.
Only problem is this morning he was reporting it missing and therefore all his subordinates were looking at each other thinking one of us was a thief, he told us later after we had all swore blind none of us had touched it and were eyeing each other up that he told us he had in fact taken it Home.
Finally, well Luke is still at my house, my dad reckons he is enjoying a rest away from the half term commotion at her house with her three soon 4 other siblings.

Grattitude For The Unknown

Another exciting weekend comes to a close and with a bump back down to earth I am back here at The Lost World, Luke is at my house today, well my mums house where I live because it is half term and Buttercup has gone to Spain for the week with her mum Dominating Donna and her Step dad Silverback Bennet.
I surprised Luke over the weekend by buying him a new PSP, his last one was left at his mums and vanished when they moved house, he was most surprised by this gesture but well he deserved it, hes a good lad and anyway Buttercup was going to Spain.
Buttercup also let me use all her photos of her and her friends to make a video, I have also added Take Thats new song "Rule The World" to the soundtrack for the video, soon no doubt to be No1 in the UK and a song which I think is probably one of the best I have heard this year.
I have also written a highly technical script on "Out Of Body Experiences" or "Journeys Into The Force" as I like to call them being a Jedi (or could I be a Dark Lord of The Sith?), anyway this can be viewed by clicking here
I think when we were actively drinking and experienced drunken-ness and Blackouts, our bodies were being possessed by a lot of the lower energy earth bound spiritual entities that may have lived and died in the past as untreated alcoholics, they take possesion of our consious minds to experience intoxication which I can only assume is not available where they are.
As we get sober and our minds become clearer we are helped by much higher energy entities which I supposed could be termed our gurdian angels, however we can still here the persuasive voices of those on the lower levels who want us to continue our old habits so they can experiece there own thirst being satisfied.
Only our faith in God and contuous prayer will help us and draw us away from this battlezone, my mind though is still open to new ideas, but I think this has got to be something to do with how AA works and its something thats very difficult to do on your own, especially when you are still down on the bottom rung of the ladder.
I have no doubt what so ever that getting sober has been the best and most rewarding decision of my life, I still have to pinch myself to make sure its real and I am so unbelievably grateful, and not just me, my parents, my son and I am now there to help many of my friends when I am certain had I continued the way I was going I would be dead.
Ultimately God has saved me, I believe that even though I still get lost analysing who or what God is, it doesnt matter, he saved me because I asked him to do and for that I thank him everyday.
People round the village where I live who used to see me before, when I was still active in my drinking and who see me now will still ask me how I did it, I always answer it wasnt me...
Anyway I will l;eave you with this silly joke I wrote earlier...
Four passengers are travelling on a plane: The Honeymonster, Father Bell, Alf Boquet and Dolph.
Conditions are stormy.
Suddenly, lightning strikes one of the engines, sending the plane into a dive.
“There are only four parachutes!” yells the pilot, “Since it’s my plane, one of them is mine!” And so he grabs the parachute and leaps from the plane.
“Well, I’m the world’s leading collector of blue black spray, a father of two daughters and a big lover of sardines”, says the Honeymonster and so he grabs a parachute and leaps from the plane.
“I’m the world’s smartest man,” brags Dolph. “The world needs smart men and I am also the manager, so the third parachute’s mine.”
And so he grabs a parachute and leaps from the plane.
That leaves just Father Bell and Alf Boquet and one parachute.
“You must go, my son,” says Alf. “I have lived a very long and fulfilling life at the Lost World. You must be given the chance to do the same. Take the parachute I will go down with the plane.”
“What! You don’t want to do that!” shouts Father Bell.
“Didn’t you see what just happened?
Grab This, Alf. Dolph just jumped out of the plane with my backpack!”

Insignificant Mortals

Is human life just a dream, from which we never really awake, Are we submerged by our feelings, by our loves and hates, by our ideas of good, bad, beautiful, awful?

Are we incapable of knowing beyond those ideas and feelings?Is the reality we know a reality imposed to us by nature?
Is the reality and the meaning of life a creation of men, such as music, or love or colours my physics degree told me that there isn't such things as music, harmony or colours in the physics world. Just travelling molecules: There is not, external to us, hot or cold, but only different velocities of molecules; there aren’t sounds, callings, harmonies, but just variations in the pressure of the air; there aren’t colours, or light, just electro-magnetic waves.

And we - and all living beings - just survival machines, blindly programmed to preserve the selfish molecules known as genes.

No wonder I got depressed after graduating from my degree and realising we live in a cold empty world devoid of any God, I then turned to immediate gratification by way of chemicals and began to forget my morals

After all what was the significance for life in a Universe of billions of stars that ignore us? What was any significance for life in a Universe whose dimensions and nature overcome our understanding?

I would spend many hours high on cannabis and alcohol pondering the short duration of my life, swallowed up in the eternity that lies before and after it, when I consider the little space I fill and I see, engulfed in the infinite immensity of spaces of which I am ignorant, and which know me not, I rest frightened, and astonished, for there is no reason why I should be here rather than there. Why now rather than then? Who has put me here? By whose order and direction have this place and time have been ascribed to me?

I mean we here talk of an afterlife but I for one cannot imagine it, no medium has been able to tell me what its really like, does it rain, are there ghost insects?, what’s the temperature, I was watching that Bruce Willis film “The Sixth Sense”, the other day and like the other film “Ghost” with Patrick Swayze we see the afterlife as a place in our world which everything is the same but we are invisible and cannot physically interact with any object. Which was a bit like the journey I experience when I nearly died back in 1990 after blowing myself up inhaling petrol fumes (Life After Death)

I think I am beginning to realise that love gives meaning to our lives – as does friendship, or art or faith in God. These are factors of true happiness, of inner peace, of feelings of harmony, allowing meaning to our existence.

But there is still the other side. There is the cruelty of life, the pain, the evil, not to talk of death. They are the hidden tigers, ambushed and ready to attack the imprudent.
Since getting sober however and practising the AA steps I have learn to live in the day we call “today”, I can cope with today but the events of yesterday I cannot undo but must learn from using my Step 10. All those mistakes I made yesterday are truly out of reach but in my memory I can use those experiences to learn…
Tomorrow is where the afterlife lies, tomorrow is where I grow old and where many nightmares take place where I can feel insecure but it is also beyond my immediate control, I know that tomorrow the sun will rise, either in splendour or behind a mask of clouds (which usually don’t contain the sign I saw yesterday) – but it will rise. Until it does – we have no stake in tomorrow because it is yet unborn.
My sponsor, JMSS always says to me “Worry about one day at a time and indeed one world at a time”, that is what I try and practise now instead of my old habit of paralysis of analysis.

Bit deep all that so well back to the present, and I am sat here at my desk at The Lost World and I have just been laughing with Alf because our gardener has come to cut the grass again, I have just finished my cup of tea with no milk and two sugars the way I like it and popped in a chewing gum, one of those nicorrette ones that I have been regularly chewing since I quit smoking last March.
Outside the sky is blue…
I love being ALIVE!

See you all on Monday...

God, Show Me A Sign

Another exciting day at the lost world I thought as I looked out of my window this morning after I had pressed snooze for the 5th time and after the five minute interval the alarm had subsequently gone off again.
I had been dreaming I was back at Sellers being chased around with my old Boss I named The Balloon Warden, I have this dream so often it is frightening, in my dream I was measuring a piece of bar which had the dimensions of 36x16mm and I was setting the saw up to automatically cut it off at certain intervals when The Balloon Warden came over and said it was Born 2B Wilds turn on the saw this week, Born 2B Wild was my fellow “Progress” employee and has since joined the afterlife.
My first job in the morning is to say a prayer, asking God to help me show patience and kindness to my fellow men and asking him for another sober day, I then request that today I do Gods will and not my own but just add that if he can find a bit of time in his busy schedule would he be kind enough to show me a sign today that he is listening to me
Anyway with the dream now fading I look out of the window after pulling back the curtains and was surprised by the cloud cover is this the sign I ask myself?

It’s been a really quiet week here at The Lost World for brick sales, I thought about going for a walk at one stage I was feeling so bored and mentioned this in passing to Nak our gossip queen, the lost worlds equivalent of Vera Duckworth from the ITV soap Coronation Street
Nak said “If you walk round pond watch out for Dimli and Walter in the long grass – they may be there lakeing with each other”, As I write this Father Ted is telling us all rather unconvincingly about his new found Celibacy but both The Honeymonster and Alf don’t seem to believe the words he is saying.
And talking about excuses, Gary Rubber is the latest person at the lost world who seems to be loosing the plot and has made a whole variety of excuses why he cant come to work, Father Ted and Alf have just been telling me some of them…
Can't come in today, the springs on the garage door broke and I can't get the car out cause the door won't open.
There has been an urgent family emergency, which I can't talk about lest I endanger any innocent bystanders.
When I got up this morning, I took 2 Ex-lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.
My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it oh and my stigmata's acting up.
Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.
Oh and heres one of my favourites I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly elog (pi) on all the clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.

Back in my drinking days when I was also taking ADP’s as well, only problem is instead of phoning up with some pathetic excuse which sounded believable above the roaring noises in my head I used to actually come to work and not only endanger many road users on my way there but cause total havoc when I got there and this usually involved 2 people being taken out of action having to drive me home, someone to drive my car back and another to bring the person back to work after they had taken my car back and also take me home.

Well last night I spent the evening in my bedroom on my numerous computers, I didn’t receive a message back from Coleen or anyone else, I think tonight I will send off another batch of messages but I must remember not to send them all to Tracy this time.

I have also written a brand new story on my sister website at http://www.madmickstories.com/ its called “The Story Of The Eight Ice People And Naughty Buttercup”, and this is available by clicking here

Anyway I will leave you with this joke,
An elderly gentleman...had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctorand the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in amonth to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing aid is working perfectly. Your family must be reallypleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

Father Bell Becomes A Superhero

Today... Father bell is a superhero, dashing about our works sorting out problems as they present themselves.
It has been reported by Alf Wilkes Boquet our Assistant manager that since our manager Dolph has been on holiday he has been able to get on with the job of running the plant rather than listening to his stories of when he used to work as an electrician down the coal mines.
He also says that one of our Forklift Drivers "Arthur Perky Daley" his doing a better job selling his fireworks for bonfire night that we are doing selling bricks.
Anyway today at the Lost World the Joiners have been to fit some doors that keep being knocked down by our Forklift Driver Godfrey.
First they had to give their risk assessment of the job they were about to attept and this was carefully examined by Alf and countersigned by our superhero Father Bell on his way through the office in between jobs. They then had to put forward there "method statement", now Joiners being hard to find in the UK now-a-days because everyone in the 21st century wants to sit in front of a PC, well because they are hard to find means that we had to employ a bit of a tin pot organisation which had characters looking like actors on "Last Of The Summer Wine".
This being the case their method statement involved hanging off ladders and using ropes and pulleys with the help of an african elephant they had brought along with them, now Alf took this all in his stride and summened two of his fitters, China and Badger to provide them with some state of the heart scaffolding we have on site ready for occasions like this.
The Joiners then had to go watch a video which is played to all our contractors which talks about the site rules and regulations and afterwards they have to complete a short test about what they have just watched.
Alf told them to pay attention when one of the members answered his mobile phone while watching the company video and had to watch it all again, eventually nearly 1 1/2 hours after they arrived they could start work hanging the doors, of course the work area had to be cleared and red and white tape placed round the doorway.
This got us all thinking just where is all this Health and Safety regulations going, and indeed on the domestic front the Government are cracking down on smoking and are thinking of making it illegal to smoke while driving, even chatting to your passengers is frowned upon.
THey are thinking of adopting a traffic light system where certain people will be refused certain foods depending upon their weight as a ratio to their height, The Honeymonster would get a amber light allowing him to purchase cheese, eggs but not bacon or chocolate, while our manager Dolph who is grossly overweight would only be allowed the sale of nuts, berries and weetabix.
On the romance front I have recieved another message back from Coleen on the dating site and it sounds well quite promising...
Disneyland was amazing - i have got so many pictures, i will try and put some up here if you would like to see them michael?So as you can probably see from my profile it says that i am intially here looking for 'anything'. To be honest the only reason i choose this catergory was because i wasnt too sure what to expect from this site, but now i feel more comfortable using it i can say that inevitably i would like to meet someone who i can start a relationship with. I know that might sound a little scary but i just wantedto be honest with you.If thats something you are looking for too then get back to me, if not then i wish you luck with the site.Coleenx

I replied back imidiately with...

Hi Coleen
I had to look back at what I put originally on my profile and it said well “Romance”, since me and my previous partner split up a while ago Luke has come to see me every weekend and well he is getting to the age where he is wanting to go see his friends more and I would love to have a special someone to share my life with.
To tell the truth I have spent so much time making sure my son and my niece had a good time I have totally lost touch with meeting other girls my age, of course I have a few close friends I can have a natter with and the lads at work but I still seem to spend a lot of my weekends discussing Yu-Gi-Oh cards and the different super powers that the characters in the TV program heroes have.
You will have to post a few of those photos you took at Disneyland, I bet it was a great experience, I wasn’t joking when I said I have not been out of the UK, the nearest I have been to flying was doing a sponsored bungee jump once of a crane at a local pub and one of those helicopter pleasure flights with Luke and Rebecca.
I suppose though I am not too bothered, I like the UK and have been camping all over the country, I enjoyed camping near Snowdon and climbing the mountain, and one of the photos on my profile is where I was at the top of Scafell when me and Luke camped in the Lake district. Me Luke and Rebecca also completed the Yorkshire 3 peaks last summer with a load of lads from where I work and raised over £2000 for McMillan nurses.
Well Coleen I am certainly on the dating site looking for a relationship, not that I am scared of living alone, its just that I would love to have someone to share my life with and if you think likewise and that I could be the one for you then please write back.
Michael xxx

Finally thanks for everyones advice regarding Buttercup and I will leave with a Joke which I spotted on the net this morning and it gave me a little chuckle...

A Father Passing By His Son's Bedroom Was astonished To See The Bed Was Nicely Made And Everything Was Picked Up.
Then He Saw An Envelope Propped Up Prominently On The Center Of Thebed.
It Was Addressed,"Dad" With The Worst Premonition, He Opened The Envelope And Read The Letter With Trembling Hands:
Dear Dad, It Is With Great Regret And Sorrow That I'm Writing This.
I Had To Elope With My New Girlfriend Because I Wanted To Avoid A Scene With Mom And You. I've Been Finding Real Passion With Barbara And She Is So Nice Even With All Her Piercing, Tattoos, And Her Tight Motorcycle Clothes. But It's Not Only The Passion, Dad - She's Pregnant And Barbara Assures Me That We Will Be Very Happy Even Though You Don't Care For Her Since She Is So Much Older Than I Am. She Already Owns A Trailer In The Woods And Has A Stack Of Firewood, Enough For The Whole Winter. She Wants To Have Many More Children With Me And That's Now One Of My dreams Too. Barbara Taught Me That Marijuana Doesn't Really Hurt Anyone And We'll Be Growing It For Ourselves And Trading It With Her Friends For All The Cocaine And Ecstasy We Need. In The Meantime, We Pray That science Will Find A Cure For Aids So That Barbara Can Get Better;
She Sure Deserves It!!
Don't Worry, Dad, I'm 15 Years Old Now And I Know How To Take Care Of Myself. Someday I'm Sure We'll Be Back To Visit So You Can Get To Know Your Grandchildren.
Your Son,
John

P.S. Dad, None Of This Is True. I'm Over At Billy's House. I Just Wanted To Remind You That There Are Worse Things In Life Than My Report Card Which Is In My Desk Center Drawer.
I Love You!
PS: Call When It's Safe For Me To Come Home

Father Bell Joins The Jedi Order

Here is Father Bell as you have never seen him before, relationships are forbidden in the Jedi Order, I never could understand that because presumably no relationships equals no sibblings which should surely result in the Jedi becoming extinct?
Anyway I am feeling more alive today, I havent had any Out-Of-Body experiences so I guess thats ok, I was reading up about something that Molly sent me about the subject and it seems to be a result of stress which causes altered states of awareness.


Last night I enjoyed my AA meeting, even though I initially didnt feel like going, The Author who is one year sober was sharing and being an author he was using big words but talked really eloquently and I was with him every step of the way.
I very rarely share but I was almost tempted when he mentioned how Alcohol had taken him from being a well known author (I could link you to some of his books on Amazon but that would break his anonymity so I wont) to working on the fruit and veg isle at Sainsburies.
He said he had learned to believe his next episode in his life was up to God or whatever we understood by the term and if his God wanted him to continue counting iceberg lettuces for another few years then that is what he would continue to do.
Like myself, I sit here at this Despatch Post at The Lost World and in between Drivers turning up to collect bricks which we manufacture and receipting goods on our antiquated AS400 computer system I write mind bendingly crazy "stories" and insane newsletters.

Like The Author I will await my next journey in life...
I cant help but think though if we dont do anything, God wont mirraculously produce what we want from thin air, I think the correct AA terminology is "faith without works is dead" and it brings to mind that story of the bloke on a rooftop surrounded by rising floodwaters.
A Boat comes past and offers to help him and he says "no God will save me"
A Helecopter comes past and offers to help him and he says "no God will save me"
A Dolphin comes past and offers to help him and he says "no God will save me"
eventually he drowns and asks God why he didnt save him and God replies well I sent a boat, a helecopter and a talking Dolphin.

Anyway, I didnt take JMD last night, I leave it up to him to contact me now, we cant go chasing ambulances, its attraction rather than promotion, on my way I did stop at The Ice Queens to drop off her maintenance money.
The Ice Queen was talking about Buttercups problem with regard to going off the rails just recently and alledgedly sampling some amphetamine, now it seems that Buttercups mum Dominating Donna has accused her sister The Ice Queen of Sh*t Stirring and added that her daughter wouldnt do anything like that.
However Monday morning Buttercup was at The Ice Queens door ready to give Luke and Stig a slap for telling on her which was subsequently stopped by The Russian Spy, now it seems that The Ice Queen and Dominating Donna arn't speaking.
It was with some friends in Bradley where Buttercup was partying Saturday night and I noticed on her MSN "I lurve Jason" which doesnt look good does it, presumably a lad she had seen at the party.
In conclusion I think Buttercup is going right off the rails but really I cant see what I can do, after all I am not her dad, her dad is my brother who is schitzophrenic and can barely be bothered to get out of bed let alone speak to his daughter.
So whats my course of action? I could refuse to pick her up thereby stopping her getting to Bradley, but she would just get the bus and anyway it wouldnt go down well with my mum and dad but at least I wont be aiding her on her journey to the dark side.


On the dating front, I got the following message from a girl who looks like one of those Ludo counters,
Hello
My name is Katya. I'm 28. I to see your structure and I want to get acquainted with you to begin friendly relations. I very sociable and open girl. And it will be easy for you to communicate with me. I will be glad to see your answer and with pleasure answer you about me in my letters. my email: **********@gmail.comI will wait your letter.

I noticed her account had been since deactivated so I presume this must be another young lady wanting to get into the UK via marriage

Superstud Becomes Father Bell

I think I have had an unusual weekend, then my mate, the person previously known as Superstud who works in my office has spectacularily ended his relationships with all three girls he was seeing, and The Honeymonster is calling him "Father Bell" now, because he is thinking of joining a monastery!
What a turn-around, but thats not to say what he is saying his gospel because Arthur Daley "Perky" who works with him says he cant spell the word "Honesty", and well it takes someone like you to know you.
So whats my weekend been like, well weird I think, I woke up last night about 3am dreaming I was wanted by the police and had been taken in for questioning for this crime I couldnt remember doing because I was drunk and in blackout, thing was that the dream was so vivid and when I woke up I thought it was still true, it took a while for the dream to fade and I was left in the awake/asleep border state for the next 4 hours or so when I felt I was travelling astrally round the house.
I feel quite tired now after all that night of mental activity. So whats my weekend been like well Luke and Stig have been to visit, Luke comes from Friday to Sunday still but Stig comes and then I drop him back off at his mums at night because he has taken up football at weekend.
Raging bull though has been renamed by her friend as "Buttercup", while "Pippin" her friend has renamed herself "Tulip" and Buttercup's other two friends as "Dandelion" (pka Lethal Weapon) and Daisy (pka Buttercups 2nd best friend).
Anyway Buttercup and Daisy went to stay the night at some other Bradley Friends and returned mid afternoon Sunday completely out of it, I know it wasnt Drink or Cannabis and she claimed not to have slept Saturday night much.
I dont think it was lack of sleep on its own and suspected amphetamine which was later backed up by The Ice Queen who after seeing her had simular conclusions, if that is the case then it could explain all this moodyness we have all been suffering.
Just lately Buttercup seems to have been extremely unhappy and lacked interest in anything, and well we all know where the use of chemicals to change the way you feel takes us, me more than most, though "speed" as its more commonly called never agreed with me see here for my 1999 entry about it.
It seems that now-a-days there are so many more pitfalls for young people to fall into and I know that once you start down the road to the dark side forever will it dominate your destiny.
Anyway Buttercup comes on a weekend to see her dad, my brother officially but he is schitzophrenic and doesnt really bother with her and at the same time she has grown distant with me and is forever fighting with Luke that its got to the stage where we prefer her not to be around.
I was on the phone with The Ice Queen for a hour last night when I took Miss Boley out, but like I said there is very little I can do and I just assumed it was a phase that girls of 14 go through, we may be wrong in fact I hope we are but really her eyes said it all on Sunday...
On the dating front I have had no correspondance except for the odd "wink" over the weekend but neither have I sent many messages out and I am at AA tonight, I doubt my friend JMD will be with me, I will get a chance to talk about Buttercup there.
Finally then well heres the league table for drivers despatches for the first half of October;
P L T Name Quantity Sold
> 1 1 Tim Terapin 59924
▲ 4 2 Stumpy 57656
▲ 15 3 Dolvy / Archers 42792
▼ 3 4 P546KYC / Jeff Rudge 36688
▼ 2 5 Ken & Barbie 35000
▲ 9 6 Keith Chicken 31188
▼ 5 7 Bruce Forcyth 29965
▲ 12 8 J14BTS / Apple & Mango 20792
▼ 7 9 P542FPY / Cartwright 16040
▼ 6 10 Trevor / Archers 15093
>> NEW 11 CN05FLR / Martin 10848
▼ 8 12 Craigs 10848
>> NEW 13 Gary 10764
▼ 10 14 Y203JNT / Richard 10396
>> NEW 15 SV06EFC / Craigs Andrew 10396
>> NEW 16 YE52CGU / Kirkbride 10396
▼ 11 17 DK03PZH / Ian 10396
▼ 13 18 Darren WINC 10396
▼ 14 19 SF51KZW / Peter 10396
>> NEW 20 YN04FXL / Stuart Moon 10396
Well I guess thats all for Monday, I cant be bothered with any jokes today, I dont feel in a joking sort of Mood, in fact this morning I had a brief tinge of "The Worlds Coming To An End" feeling and I feel absolutely drained of energy, like I want to spend the rest of the day meditating, I watched The Sixth Sence on Saturday as well and really enjoyed it.

No Pants Friday Next Week

The Honeymonster hasnt spoke to me all morning, the cleaners found a full tin of gone off sardines under his desk and he is blaming me. He has been storming about glaring at me while some of the workforce have come into the office and said "it smells of fish round here".

Anyway I have done a nice poster of a sardine with The Honeymonsters head on and put it on the wall above the printer, he is just sat below it now talking to Alf about some technical issue with the kiln.
I am feeling a bit nervous sat here writing this with my back to him, Alf knows about the picture and is trying to keep a straight face and not look at it.
Guess what I had one message back from Coleen in Cheshire last night, I had better not put her photo on here but I will put the dialogue so far...


COLEEN: Hey - how are you this sunday? Please take a look at my profile - if you like it as i did yours then get back to me. Coleen x

ME: Hi Coleen,I just been a basic member for a bit because well it was summer and I wasnt sitting around in front of the computer all the time, but well the dark nights have come and I have splashed out my £30 for 3 months of membership.It was nice to see a message from a pretty girl like yourself welcoming me back, well what can I say, I love life, live for each day at a time dont let tommorow ruin today and dont let yesterday drag me back.I have just been doing a bit of decorating and took the dog round the field and I get my 12 year old son coming on a weekend along with his brother Ben and my niece rebecca who is of the age well she is 14 and moody.It was a long haul to work this morning on the M62 in the pouring rain, I hate the bit where it crosses the M1 junction and everyone is changing lanes.What is the best bit of your life, I once told someone mine was when I was asleep well no not really, like taking my digicam at weekend and playing on the canal with Luke on our remote control boat, thats good fun.I dont drink or even smoke anymore, I gave up smoking in march and since then Ive been hooked on those nicorrette chewing gums, anyway I have waffled on a bit there I do hope you reply

COLEEN: I cant stop for too long today as i have so much to do before i go away tomorrow.I am going to Disney land Paris for my daughter Daisy's birthday - we are also going with my mum and dad too. I have never been before so i am quite looking forward to it - maybe more than Diasy!lolAnyway, what are you up to today? Did you find it hard to get up this morning, i know i did. I cant quite believe how dark and cold it is now, winter is truely coming.I have to admit, i do quite like the winter months - i think Christmas is one of my favourite times of the year, normally because i get to enjoy my mum's Xmas dinner!Do you have any nice plans for christmas michael or have you not even started thinking about it yet? I might be getting a little ahead of myself!Right, Daisy says she needs help with packing as she cant fit Melvin the monkey in her suitcase - Emergency calls!Coleenx

ME:Hey I really hope you enjoy yourself in Paris, I cant really comment, do you know I have never even been out of Britain and I’m 38 still the environmentalists will be happy because I wont have left a Carbon footprint anywhere by going in a plane!
Its Friday tomorrow and I get paid on Monday, 15th of every month – this week seems to have gone really fast.
Today anyway, I just got home from work and had a Pork Rogan Josh Curry with Chapattis after a reasonably good day at work except for the last couple of hours when the computer system went down due to a power cut and I had my work cut out then with drivers who didn’t know what they were supposed to be loading.
In a morning I usually set the alarm for about 6am so I can press “snooze” lots of times before I have to get up, I am usually on my way down the road for seven for the 23 mile journey from Huddersfield to Garforth near where I work.
I don’t mind Winter, it kills off all the bugs and its much easier to keep yourself warm than trying to keep cool when its red hot, I quite like Christmas as well, Luke wants another PSP (Play Station Portable) again this year because he lost last years, just been talking to him on MSN Messenger, he’s at his mums.
Anyway Colleen I hope you and Daisy really enjoy yourself and hope you will tell me all about it when you get back, looks like Ill be playing hide & seek in the local woods again this weekend with Luke.
PS I hope Melvin the Monkey is ok in the suitcase
Michael xxx

She was one of the few people I didnt send messages to and calling them "Tracy", which probably explains why I got a reply because she was one of the first I sent messages to.
I got bored of writing a unique tailored message after about 4 or 5 replies and then I started cut & pasting but silly me forgot to change the names and called them all "Tracy".


Well I havent had my beats yet and The Honeymonster has waddled off out on to the plant so I have quickly taken the poster down and given it to one of the lads out in the yard, Alf says I am very lucky he didnt see it anyway one thing for certain I wouldnt tell any of the lasses about my blog on here, I think they might run a mile if they knew everything about me straight away, I will have to tell them a bit at a time that I am "not a full shilling" has the Honeymonster says.
I have got this great Joke to finish on, its called "Think Before You Act"
Think before you act?
If you've ever worked for a boss that reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through, you will love this!
A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.
The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall.
The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.
He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, "How much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and replied, "I make $400 a week. Why?"
The CEO then handed the guy $1,600 in cash and screamed, "Here's four weeks' pay , now GET OUT and don't come back.
"Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"
From across the room came a voice, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."


Oh Yes and Dont FORGET its NO TROUSERS DAY next Friday!

Choose The Force

Choose The Force
Choose a side.

Choose a Jedi Knight.

Choose a wise old two foot high puppet for a teacher.

Choose a f**king big Deathstar.

Choose star destroyers, blasters, TIE fighters and a light sabre.

Choose a black suit, black helmet and matching cape.

Choose a loan from Jabba the Hutt.

Choose a philosophy.

Choose an Emperor.

Choose a planet with an orbiting moon.

Choose a three planet system in the Dromoda system and f**king enslave them.

Choose the rebels and wonder why the fuck you're kneeling by the Emperor on a Sunday morning.

Choose sitting next to the Emperor watching whole planets being enslaved in mind controlling, force crushing battles, stuffing f**king replacement parts in your body.

Choose rotting away at the end of it all, p*ssing your last in front of your son in a miserable Deathstar, nothing more than an evil dictator to the selfish, evil, f**ked up brats who fight for you.

Choose a future.

Choose the Force.

I chose not to choose the Force.

I chose something else.

I chose the Dark Side ......

....And this is where I ended up at The Lost World with The Honeymonster, a love sick Superstud, a manager called Alf Wilkes Boquet and a Boss Called Dolph who's idea of slimming is continuing to eat normally while swallowing a tapeworm every few days.

On my little despatch post near Leeds, England on a small planet near a medium sized star which is part of a average galaxy some 14 billion years after the big bang when God lit his firework and retreated to a safe distance to watch the spectacle.

Yes I choose to drink to oblivion and beyond until the toilet bowl became my only remaining friend and each morning the horsemen of the apocolypse came to see me before I went to see Mr Sharma at Bradley Booze and News to start my daily rations.

Now some 3 and a bit years after getting sober and my last relationship other than the one with the chemical ethanol ended in 1996 I am trying again to find a companion, but its in Gods time not mine but I still need to do the spadework.

Now I have choose the force

I have handed my will over to a God that I continue to analyse.

I count my blessings, better to be single wanting a relationship than in a relationship wanting out.

Anyway here is my profile I have put on Singles 365...

Hi, I'm 37 and I come from Huddersfield. I consider myself as honest, trustworthy and fun to be with and I don’t take life too seriously and am a firm believer in working hard to play hard. I enjoy computers; I also enjoy camping and love animals. I love outdoors and enjoy taking my son and niece on camping expeditions during the summer but I am also just as content sat at home chilling with my feet up. I feel the right time has hopefully come to find a special person who I can enjoy life with. Would be great to hear from you x

And I have sent the following message to about 40 girls out there,

Back To the wonderful world of internet Dating
Back To the wonderful world of internet Dating
Hi Tracy
I have just returned to the wonderful world of internet dating, after a brief break! I was wondering if you would like to chat? Share your tips, stories and words of wisdom? Only joking! But, if you fancy a natter, and to see if we have anything in common then send me a message x

In fact the message above is exactly what someone sent to me in my long absence and I thought it was straight to the point, not too heavy or soppy and since a girl sent it hopefully they will relate to it better so far I have had zero replies but its well early days yet.

Last night I also completed Episode 2 and Episode 3 of Parallel Universes which is based on the Heroes TV Program but uses my friends and family as the main characters, anyway I had better get back to work

Lets Get My Head Out Of The Clouds!

Well the big news is that I have completed Episode 1 of my new Parallel Universes Episodes based on heros, they are both now available by following the links, Introduction & Episode 1.

I was also busy last night signing up for another dating adventure now that I am passed the 3 year sober mark I might be able to move into dangerous waters, but I guess I still got loads to learn about boundaries and walls which I Molly was talking about yesterday in her post.

I guess I have got to start living in the real world and give up the excessive analysis of why am I here and what God was doing before he created the Universe and learn about more day to day things like say living with another human being...

I finished my membership of “Singles-365” in March because well I didn’t want to spend summer on the computer, I did have a bit of success last winter even meeting a couple of girls see the link below...
http://www.madmickstories.com/BrokenDreams.html#anchor_8
however nothing that lead to anything serious, however now with October starting and the nights getting dark I have decided to have another go at this online dating thing.
So well brace yourself and buckle your seatbelt, I’m going to try something I saw in a cartoon…
Just kidding. That’s something I like to say to the passengers in my car just before I start to drive. Maybe that’s part of the reason I’m having dating problems in the first place.
I have seen my work colleague Superstud juggling 3 girls at once just recently and has I speak now at my despatch desk he has booked half a day off and gone racing down to Lincoln to see Hayley who seems to be the favourite contender, but The Honeymonster says, “the flag is flying so he has chosen the wrong week when all he will get his a chat”, I don’t know what he means by that but our boss Dolph said that he must be hung like a baboon looking like he does but having such disproportionate success. Okay, the first website I discovered said it’s a “free” online dating service. Online, red flags always go up for me when someone says that magic word, “free”. But, let’s take a closer look.Well, it sounds good. It says it is, “an internet dating service that provides a comfortable and intimate environment where you can safely and conveniently search and find your perfect soul mate, while having lots of fun. Thousands of dating ads of singles that are looking for dating romance, intimacy and friendship is available for you to browse through. Your ideal companion might be among them. (site name deleted) brings dating to new frontiers, making impossible, possible!” I’m having a little trouble with the comfortable and intimate environment thing. They haven’t seen the room my computer sits in. Safe and convenient sounds nice though. But if the website is just a lot of personal ads, can’t I just get something like that at my local news stand or in my local newspaper?I think I’ll move on and take a look to see if there are online dating services that provide more than dating advice and personal ads.Hmm, now I find myself on an online dating website that I actually logged on to last year and cancelled in March.
Its called Singles-365 and well I now have 35 unread messages on there so I guess that is a great place to start, sometimes though I do wonder if all these are genuine people or system generated.
Here is what they say, “Looking for more in a relationship and a dating site? With over 10 years of experience in online dating and relationships, Singles 365 is the worldwide leader in online dating and relationships. Where else can you find millions of singles looking for love, just like you? We don't offer just online personals; we are personal in our offerings - to help you find a date, a relationship, a marriage.Whoa! Marriage? I said I might try online dating. I never said anything about marriage! And now I have the mental image of “millions of singles looking for love”. Wow! Millions. Okay, so they sound big, but what do they actually offer?Well, first off, they don’t really tell you much about the services they provide. Just a lot of information about the millions who have gotten married through their online dating service. So I bit the bullet and went to the sign up form to learn more. Now comes the money question. £14.95 for a month or I can get discounts for longer memberships so well I choose 29.95 option for 3 months which will take me to early January and I have spent the night replying to half of these 35 messages I received since I was last on, I will reply to the other half tonight.
One of them was this girl from zamunda or something with the sad tale about money and bank accounts and needing someone in the UK who could stand to inherit millions well I ignored that one.
I will see if I get any replies to them tonight and keep you posted about all the trials and tribulations I suffer throughout the coming winter

The Meaning Of Life

Reporting in today, its Tuesday here and its been raining all morning, the journey here was a bit scary but never the less I made it, my Mum had a succesful caterach operation yesterday and I went to my AA meeting last night.

I texted JMD if he was going but he texted back a simple "No", short ans sweet and to the point, I can only assume he has gone back out on the booze again, I did see him Friday Night when I gave him a Phil Collins CD I had copied for him and he looked sober then.

I enjoyed the meeting, it was a simple straightforward Drunkalogue story from the "Doctor's Next Door Neighbour" with The Doctor Himself in the chair.

I think it caused a few laughs when The Doctors Next Door Neighbour got to his first surrender point and was visited by The Doctor in his superman cape with his big book and "AA" emblazoned accross his front.

I like Drunkalogues, they are simple and straight to the point take you back to places in your own journey and I was intrigued about what The Author said afterwards when feeding back from the floor.

He said that scientists had discovered a huge empty space in the universe some one billion light years in diameter where there was absolutely nothing and he reckoned if he was God it would be a lovely quiet place to hide out of the way.

When I was driving back home there was a radio program about the history of the universe which claimed to answer why we were here according to the latest scientific generally accepted theories and well it went something like this...

I am here because, more than ten billion years ago, the universe borrowed energy from the vacuum to create vast amounts of matter and antimatter in nearly equal numbers. Most of it annihilated and filled the universe with photons. Less than one part per billion survived to form protons and neutrons, and then the hydrogen and helium that makes up most everything there is. Some of this hydrogen and helium collapsed to make the first generation of massive stars, which produced the first batch of heavy elements in their central nuclear fires. These stars exploded and enriched the interstellar clouds that would form the next generation of stars. Finally, about five billion years ago, one particular cloud in one particular galaxy collapsed to form our Sun and its planetary system. Life arose on the third planet, based on the hydrogen, carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, and other elements found in the protostellar cloud. The development of life transformed Earth's atmosphere and allowed small furry mammals to take centre stage. Primitive men and women evolved and moved out of Africa to conquer the world with their new knowledge of tools, language, and agriculture. After raising food on the land, my ancestors, my parents, Wonderwood and Battyeford Lill, and then me consumed this food and breathed the air. My own body is a collection of the atoms that were created billions of years earlier in the interior of stars, the fraction of a fraction of a percent of normal matter that escaped annihilation in the first microsecond of the universe.
And so here I am sat in an office with Alf, Dolph (and his worm), The Honeymonster and Superstud pondering this question and its raining outside like it has been doing all morning, just a tiny spec of insignificant consciousness in the vastness of a meaningless universe.
It seems as well that the magic pixies have been finally banished from my world and I must learn to accept this, once I have left my physical existence behind there will be little left that will be evidence that I was ever around except perhaps a load of pages on a website that leave people momentarily scratching there heads if they can be bothered to ever read it.
There will be memories left for a few generations in the heads of Lukes children and there children that one of there great grandparents wasn’t quite a full picnic, the ball is still rolling but the hamster has long since died.

I always remember the bit in the big book which scientists give long wordy arguments which always conclude in a manner simular to this making our lives feel meaningless, when I was at University the Universe was a load of balls now its suspected that the balls are made of strings and that every decision we make the whole universe splits in two or more identical versions with which I explore the outcomes of both decisions, and well thats just me!

I find it much easier to say I will just put my faith in a universal consiousness called God and today I did a bit of research by putting "Physics Of The Afterlife" into Google and fourth down the list I got this website, which although I didnt understand sounded like better magic than all those universes floating about!

Parallel Universes & Dolphs Worm

Yes its here at last my own series of heros, so far I have just done the introduction which just lists the characters in the exciting Mad Mick epic which as you might have guessed by now is based on the TV series "heroes", just follow this link by clicking here
Obviously I will keep adding to it until I get bored of writing them.
So well its Monday morning again here at The Lost World and our manager Dolph has just started a new slimming treatment called "Eat Yourself Slim", this involves eating these special worms which are in suspended animation until they are mixed with water, then they come to life and when you eat, the worms eat most of the callories meaning that the worms get fatter and you get thinner.
There gets a point when the worm needs ejesting which means that you have to take one of these special drinks which flushes it out and you can start again with another worm, the idea is cutting edge and Dolph has volunteered to be a guinea pig for the pilot scheme
I will keep you posted how this goes, anyway I have had a good weekend, Me and Luke have been playing with our remote control boat down at the river, I have even done a video of our weekend activities...

You can also see on this video Picker Packer doing his famous dance at my friend the Zookeepers house and Raging Bull and Pippin doing what well young girls that age do.
I took my mum up to the Huddersfield Royal Infirmary first thing this morning, she has gone to get a caterach removed from her eye and my dad kindly volunteered to accompany her this time, I told Dolph I would be a few minutes late this morning, so its been quite hectic, anyway I left my dad there in the day surgery with my mum on a wheelchair I had comandeered from the main entrance after a grand tour of the huge hospital trying to find our destination.
So well anyway here is the league table of drivers for October so far:
P L T Name Quan
▲ 7 1 Tim Terapin 32,988
▲ 5 2 Ken & Barbie 29,576
▲ 8 3 P546KYC / Jeff Rudge 18,548
▼ 3 4 Stumpy 18,432
▼ 2 5 Bruce Forcyth 15,820
▲ 118 6 Trevor / Archers 15,093
>> NE 7 Craigs 10,848
>> NE 8 SF51KZW / Peter 10,396
>> NE 9 Y203JNT / Richard 10,396
▼ 1 10 Keith Chicken 10,396
> 11 11 J14BTS / Apple & Mango 10,396
▼ 6 12 Ian / Archers 10,396
>> NE 13 DK03PZH / Ian 10,396
>> NE 14 Darren WINC 10,396
>> NE 15 X400MAD / Gary 9,984
>> NE 16 X848KUT / Steve 9,964
>> NE 17 234PAE / Paul 9,944
>> NE 18 Harry / Y208JNT 9,488
▼ 9 19 Piggys Friend 9,216
▼ 12 20 Alan Douglas 9,216
So well there you have it, its AA night tonight and I did a prayer this morning for patience after my dad was panicing as usual, I dont know if JMD is coming but I will let him phone me if he is, afterall he should put some effort in on his part without me having to chase after him

Mind Out Of Time

It was on the radio this morning as I was coming to work about science teachers in schools having to teach creationalism as well as evolution, you know as well as Charles Darwin theories school children should be taught how some 6000 years ago the earth was created in 6 days but the radio interviewer was arguing that evolution was fact whereas creationalism was a load of nonsence.
I think looking back to my childhood life was much more magical when I believed in Father Christmas and Fairys at the bottom of the garden, when the sun was always shining and behind my mums house were green fields which I would happily play in.
Depression thankfully never raised its ugly head back then, but we are taught that magic does not exist, and if you go on like me and complete a physics degree the whole universe is filled with mindless little spheres bouncing around as the result of blind forces which are described by mathematics.
Science explains all this with systems of mathematical equations and the magic of life is broken down into just a meaningless hierachy of groups of groups of groups of these little spheres existing together as a local comunity.
The magic has gone, but hang on a minute, the universe had a beggining according to science, all these galaxies are rushing apart from some cosmic explosion that occured some 14 billion years ago called the Big Bang.
How did this happen and well what came before it, does science have answers to that?
No is the overwhelming answer and also science cannot explain why the blind forces have the respective stregths they do and the "particles" what matter is made of have the sizes they do, or indeed why mathematics should be able to describe there interactions at all.
But it seems that according to scientists there are some 23 numbers which need to have values to explain the universe, these 23 numbers could have any values, for example:
The Streghth Of Gravity divided by The Stregth of electricity is 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000001 but if this value was just a few percent greater then the universe would have lasted maybe 100000 years and if it were weaker stars and planets could not have formed.
The thing which amazes me is that these 23 numbers are set up in such a way that if they were any different life could not have occurred and therefore intellegent life and "mind" could not have developed.
Scientists argue this by saying if the numbers were different then we would not be here to ponder the question, therefore the constants of nature have the values they do because we are here.
It has also been discovered only recently that in a weird and wonderful theory called quantum mechanics that tiny particles can be influenced by mind, i.e the act of "observing something" changes its behaviour in the past.
The argument and the magic I am suggesting is that the constants of nature have the values they do because a universal mind "outside of time" has conditioned the values and constaints of certain things so it can exist in the future, i.e. God which is a universal mind existing outside time which we are only able to grasp with our puny time constrained minds with extreme effort.
There the magic comes back in the world, because in addition to the physical world there is a world of thought which is more fundamental to it and indeed the place we go to at the end of our physical lives.
Anyway I feel better having told you all that, the universe is not cold but alive and warm with an energy field which surrounds all living things, it surrounds us , it penetrates us, it binds the galaxies together.
Here is the final part of "Sues Leaving", I feel much better today, just a little analytical as you may realise

Feeling A Bit Down I Guess

Just having my mackerel fillets at my desk here at the lost world today, and boy I had a awful migraine last night, one of them when you see lights in your vision and I kept throwing up, I had no interest in anything.
So to be eating again today and just having a light buzzing in my head is a good turn around, and I seem to have caught a bit of a cold.
I felt really down as well last night, I was thinking well Raging Bull is growing up now wants to be out with her mates, Lukes brother Stig has got football on a weekend and he dont come no more and Luke still comes but pretty soon with no other guys here he wont want to come and will be out with his mates.
That will then leave me to grow old alone with the clock counting down my time here waiting to well die, and I remembered how Luke and Raging Bull when they were younger would think of me as a superhero, full of "exciting" ideas for things to do, exciting "adventures" which often involved me sat drinking and playing the fool.
It was a awful night but I feel a bit better today.
Perhaps I should start now finding some other people to be with or some new hobbies - thats how bad things can get, I will just get depressed because I dont feel well but at least I know the feelings are real now and not due to alcohol.
Anyway enough of that, I have snapped out of it since I come here today, we have had a good laugh in our office, I am sat here at my despatch desk and even though the ball is still rolling but the hamsters died, I am happy and content with my little job.
Dimli has been round the works to do a collection for Mini Rhino, he said there was two people who refused to put any monet in, one was Gandalf our master electrician who said he didnt use the facilities so he didnt see why he should contribute.
A few people were not here including Perky whos Misses is in the club (pregnant), so Dimli said he could be excused while Nak exclaimed that he wouldnt give Mini Rhino the wrinkles off his [poo].
Alledgedly when Nak was first told that Mini Rhino was leaving he threw his cap in the air and cheered adding "Book us down for a dinner on Monday!", clearly no love lost between Nak and Mini Rhino. Apparently Mini Rhino was reported as not too impressed with Naks Reaction.
Anyway continuing our way through the video "quadrology" here is Part III

Superpowers

I dont watch a right lot of TV but I have got hooked to this new TV show which has been hitting our screens on a Wednesday Night here in the UK, Its called "Heroes" and is well based I think on a comic book story of all these "ordinary people" who suddenly develop superpowers.
I got the entire season 1 off the Ice Queens best boyfriend in over ten years, The Russian Spy who I was incidentally fixing his computer last night.
It is in 23 episodes on 6 DVD's, I have watched them all now and I am looking forward to Season 2. I dont know about other alcoholics but there is a thing about having superpowers which really intrigues me and captures my imagination.
I think thats why "Star Wars" and its Force had such a impact on me and I loved the original Superman episodes plus The Incredible Hulk and those other seventies Saturday Afternoon programs.
Really its took some time for a TV program or film to capture my imagination but "Heroes" definately has, you can read about it on wikipedia by clicking here
So its Wednesday already and The Honeymonster says everyone at The Lost World thinks I am a few sandwiches short of a picnic after reading the latest Jungle Telegraph and watching my DVD which contains the clip below as the second part of the Sues Leaving episode...

Its quite quiet today because both Dolph and Alf Wilkes Buquet are not here, Dolph has phoned up however to check how things are running and I told him that I told one of our directors who phoned up earlier that I said he was on the Golf course when in fact he was at a meeting somewhere.
Oh and I found this joke this morning while on my travels in cyberspace...
Upon his visit to the doctor, an alcoholic says, "Boy, ya know Doc, I haven't been feeling well lately."
"Really? Well, let's give you an exam," says the doctor.
So, after a rather long and thorough exam, the doctor tells the alkie, "I'm so sorry Mr. Smith, but I'm afraid that you only have ten days to live."
"TEN DAYS!" cried Mr. Smith. "Ten days. My God Doc, isn't there anything I can do?" "What if I stop drinking?"
"Well there is one thing you could try..." says the Doctor.
"Anything! Anything - what is it?" pleads the drunk.
"Well, you could go down to the beauty parlor and get a mud pack every day."
Somewhat surprised by the answer, he replies, "Really Doc, will that really help?"
"Well no, not really," says the doctor. "But, it may get you used to dirt."
Superstud seems an emotional wreck at the moment, he has no less than 3 young ladies on the go and doesnt know what to do, talk about well high class problems, I can even find one.
I do wish I too had superpowers, the ability to bend the time space continuum would be great.
You always get those strange paradoxes though dont you like going back in time and God forbid killing your mother, well then you couldnt exist so well you couldnt go back in time to so it in which case you would exist.... Oh my God!

My Prayers Have Been Answered - God Says No!

Yes, its here at last, the new improved Jungle Telegraph which is in its seventeenth incarnation and can be found by clicking here.
Well we were out of action here at The Lost World yesterday because something had gone wrong with our network connection to the rest of the world and as a result of this we had no internet.
I was left handwriting all the tickets and as a result had to play catch up all this morning while BT sent out "Fibreman" to sort the problem out, Dolphs blood pressure was sky high as excuse after excuse came back from the IT helpdesk and Alf Buquet Wilkes was equally frustrated.
It was a funny day altogether yesterday, I was glad to go visit the Aliens at the AA by the end of the day and even had a phonecall at 6:15 and it was JMD wanting to come along as well.
JMD did look really poorly this time, his skin had a yellow tinge to it and he said he hadnt had a drink for 8 days, which was believable because he was tottally sober, in fact I dont think I have ever seen him sober before, he was so quiet and lacked any confidence, it was as if his entire personality was fed by drink and without it the super confident bombastic loudmouth was gone and in its place a timid frightened mouse.
It was scary and certainly affected me to see him like this, and well he sat quiet throughout the meeting which the main sharer was a young posh looking lady who I joked had had probably too many cocktails and probably never fell asleep in the local quarry and woke up at 2 am having p*ssed himself.
JMD replied to this and said "who are you to judge who is an alcoholic" which well took me a bit by surprise, faced with death its amazing how serious this thing becomes.
Anyway Ill let you know how he is next week, I do hope he makes it now he has started, its so hard those first few months dry, I know but if you stick with it your life becomes well immeasurably better, in fact the first year of your honeymoon period your HP shows you just how good life can be before he lets you walk alone more and more in subsequent years.
The lady sharing did give me some food for thought when she said, I think when I was younger God did answer my prayers by keeping on saying "No", maybe there could be some truth in that.
I also saw Illa, a girl who I hadnt seen for ages and well I kind of fancy, she asked me if I was okay and said she remembered one of my shares from the top table a while ago and it made her cry, I looked at her, making out I had just recognised her and said "Why was it that bad?" before nervously running off to bank the takings.
Its strange how when you see someone you just feel "something in the air" between you but you pretend otherwise.
Anyway to change the subject, I put 4 new videos on You tube as a tribute to Mini Rhino in our canteen who is leaving us this coming Friday and well here is the first part of the quadrology...

Well I better get back to playing catch up, How did we manage before we had computers???