Feeling A Bit Better

Well its Monday morning and I have just got up feeling fully recovered from the horrible flu I had, one of my friends you all know called The Zookeeper is permanently feeling poorly, never goes out, requires painkillers all the time and cannot sleep, let me say I dont envy his condition.

In a way it will be nice to go back to work on Wednesday, apart from catching the illness I aint had a bad Christmas.

While I was ill though I kept dreaming about spreadsheets which I couldnt get to work right, you know them awful dreams which keep going round and round when you dont feel well.

Tonight I am going to my first AA meeting for 2 weeks, I usually go every Monday night but I didnt go last week because I was too excited with Father Christmas coming since it was Christmas Eve.

Luke is still here with me and I aint fallen out with his mum this year in fact we are getting on so well now she is naming her fifth baby after me, well no not really she is naming him after his dads late father who just happens to have the same name as me.

Anyway I know this is a brief post so ill leave you with a brief joke

A little boy wrote to Santa ...
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

Christmas Dinner

Well I seem to have managed to get a really bad cold from Luke who has been keeping me company every day so far this holiday, last night and this morning was the worst, I hardly slept last night throwing up every two minutes and this morning I took my mum shopping while luke went to see his cousin the Uphill Gangster.
At the supermarket, I spent £15 on flu aids such has blackcurrant lemsip, cough medicine and Gaviscon.
I noticed on the receipt that you have to be 21 to purchase blackcurrent lemsip and the cough medicine has a quantity of alcohol in it, in fact it seems all cough medicines have alcohol in them!
But is not as if I am taking the cough medicine to get pissed is it its just purely medicinal however I still dont entirely feel comfortable taking it.
Anyway I know I wont feel better just ligging on my bed so I have forced myself against my will to take the dog for a long walk right down to the river and feel a little better now, if anything I am left with a overwhelming feeling of tiredness.
My throat feels like sandpaper, you know feeling like this reminds me of the aftereffects of a long bender on alcohol anyway other than this I have enjoyed Christmas so far especially playing with Lukes Helecopter and have posted a video of our Christmas Dinner which was kindly prepared by my mum battyeford Lill

Christmas At Last!!

I thought I would put a picture of my niece on here, I cant believe I aint posted anything for over a week. Well I am sat in my bedroom typing this, I know I should of gone to the AA tonight but it feels like the first day I have stopped to catch my breath in ages.
Initially I had the Monday and Tuesday of the last week at work as the last of my annual floating holidays.
I used these days to take my dad shopping but first we went to pick up my niece (pictured aboves) laptop which we had all put too to for Christmas.
The motability car which I used to drive my dad around in broke down, well it was still drivable and I made it to the garage but the powered steering packed in.
So I had to use my old motorbike to pick up the last of the presents my dad wanted, I was a little overloaded carrying all the items back from our local Argos store on my GPX250, well I didnt know the broom I bought my mum was that big!
When I got back to work on Wednesday it was full steam to get all the receipts stock taking and end of year tidying up done before we finished on Friday dinnertime and we also had a problem with the computers plus I had to produce the end of year newsletter so I just didnt get any time to blog.
The Jungle Telegraph, Issue No 20 for December 2007 can be viewed by clicking here
We finally finished on Friday dinnertime and I have had Luke and his little brother Stig since then as well as being my niece buttercups taxi service, its amazing how useful us recovering alcoholics who can drive are at Christmas Time.
Well I have just dropped Luke and Stig off at his mum the Ice Queens house and am finally having a little time to myself, its christmas eve and The Ice Queen even bought me a pressie.
It is the first Christmas that we have not fallen out about the arrangements with regards to Luke which is certainly a major plus.
So its here Christmas, Ill be picking up Picker Packer in the morning to share Christmas Dinner at my mums house, apparently he is on his own and his mum who lives some 250 miles away has "other plans".
Tommorow I am going to get my old video camera out and film everything, he is a laugh is Picker Packer plus well we have spent all day cleaning up the house here so I deserve a bit of fun.
At 6pm I am off to pick Luke back up from his mums, they were all totally out of it on drink today at there house, I love Christmas sober, its so much more fun, its my fourth so far but long may they continue.
Ill post again tommorow.

I Pinched Molly's Picture!

Today at the Lost World we are all feeling a bit Chritmassy and Harry Potter has just been in complaining about the abysmal service here when he comes in to load, I asked him how is wife, Cruella was, who is off sick and he told me to "Mind my own business", which suggests that there could maybe be little Potters on the way.
Being the usual childish person I am I could not find a picture to put with todays post so I pinched the one Molly had on her last post which I think is quite funny, you see the rabbit is after the snowmans noses because rabbits like carrots, I dont know why the Rabbit is holding that lampshade though?
Well Dolph is back today from all his meetings and seems full of energy, we all dare now go in the toilets because The Honeymonster is not here so they smell bearable but Father Bell seems to be having a bit of a breakdown, some have said its his hormones playing up because he is pregnant.
Anyway last night I went on ebay and got Buttercup a laptop for £180, its only a 1.2MHz 640MB RAM and 40Gig Hard disk but the prices on ebay have been going up as christmas has approached, I will be paying a percentage for it since its from me, my mum and dad and her dad, my brother The Ticking Bomb.
So thats 7 1/2 presents I have now got and I will be on holiday Monday and Tuesday next week doing the last of my Christmas Shopping with my old dad Wonderwood.
The Issue No20 of The Jungle Telegraph is nearly ready for its release on Thursday December 20th and I have another story listed on my index at http://www.madmickstories.com/OldIndex.html called "From Russia With Love" but I dare not link it to the online file because its a bit well revealing.
Anyway I got a couple of jokes here that I might include in Issue 20, see what you think...
Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office.
She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.
Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.
Two guys were discussing the new secretary at their office.
John to George: "Man, I dated her last Tuesday and we had wonderful sex. She's a lot better in bed than my wife!"
Two days later. George to John: "Well, I dated her too and we had sex as well, but I still think your wife is better in bed!"
So with that I will bed you farewell, I will pop in and post on Monday &/or Tuesday next week from home, something I rarely do but well its nearly christmas now and If I leave it all over Christmas Hols without posting I definately will have no one in my audience.

While You Were Out ...

Reporting in again from the lost world to the empty audience, well I have had another hectic morning here, I think we might have had four wagons, Dolph is away at another meeting, The Honeymonster is having his last day and a halfs holiday so he has gone and Alf and Father Bell are pretending to be busy.

You know I feel quite good just lately, all this positive thinking and praying in a morning is paying its dividends.

I have got my first Christmas Card today from The Honeymonster, I am afraid I am one of those Scrooge characters who think it is a bit pointless sending Christmas Cards but it looks like I will have to purchase some on Saturday now.

I like buying people presents though and so far I have got Six of my presents, but, I still got my Mum and Dad something to get, I got my dad a book but I think I will buy him a radio alarm clock as well since his clock hasnt got an alarm as I found out the other day when I had the day off to take my mum to the hospital.

Blimey I have just had a wagon in and well its took me ages to sought him out, the printer which prints our despatch tickets has got a really severe case of budge, it just will not print this mans ticket.

I have tried calling the helpdesk, the ticket planner even as a desperate last hope Inspector Clueso over at Flintstones Park but nothing, I have unplugged the leads of the printer and the ethernet lead, I have done numerous reprints but nothing...

I could feel the anger beggining to rise when someone suggested that I use a pen, A WHAT! I hear you shout, yes a pen and write out the blokes ticket and guess what it worked and the man from wales is happy now!

Ill have to wait now till the next vehicle comes in now to see if the case of printer budge has magically disapeared.

Oh yes and this morning The Empire who owns The Lost World, Flintstones Park and Teletubbieland required us to fill all our personal details in for their records, even the number of Mars Bars we consume in a day which in the Honeymonsters case amounted to double figures and too much for the little box.

The Honeymonster then sent all his private details to Australia and in them indicated he might consider a transfer to Munich if our new owners were willing to kit him up with leather trousers.

Father Bell got a bit confused and started writing in his previous employment all the paperrounds he had as a little boy and run out of space in the children box, he has even self concieved his latest offspring due near the end of January.

So well I will be on holiday Monday and Tuesday of next week to take my dad and myself shopping for the remainder of my christmas presents therefore by empty audience will have a empty stage for them two days then I am back at work Wednesday, Thursday and half of Friday next week before its Christmas at last!

Call A Meeting!

Its Wednesday today at The Lost World and I have been collecting things for the December Issue of The Jungle Telegraph, I have got a brilliant piece by Alf of what life was like in the Olden Days and also I have found that our Quality Manager, Ian Sharpe is part of a band called The Whirls and soon to be renamed Cree Nation which even has its own website with a large fan following, if you want to have a look follow this link here

I also have a great if a little rude joke sent to me by Whoopie which goes as follows...

A family is at the dinner table.

The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?

The father, surprised, answers, 'Well son, there are three kinds of breasts.

In her 20's, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm.

In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.

After 50, they are like onions'.

'Onions?'

'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, 'Mom, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?'

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases.

In his 20's, his Willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.

In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.

After his 50's, it is like a Christmas tree'.

'A Christmas tree?'

'Yes - dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration!

Well if you havent guessed from the title picture our leader, the big man we look to for inspiration, the master of our destinies ... Dolph is away having a meeting and will be back with us on Friday.

Its starting to feel a bit Christmassy round here now, Alf is humping about loads of bottles of whisky, wine, sherry with his sleigh bells on his shoes, The Honeymonster is practising for his part in Cinderella as the pumpkin and Father Bell is writing his Christmas Sermon.

All the old Christmas records are being played again on the radio, "Fairytale Of New York", "Merry Christmas Everyone" and "Last Christmas" decorate the airwaves.

I enjoy Christmas though, afterall without it there would be a long long winter from September to March but we never seem to get the snow we used to.

Yesterday afternoon The Honeymonster went to the toilets and came dashing out with his panties round his knees and his arse in the breeze after hearing a scratching noise coming from under the cubicle, we suspect that the finger which haunts these parts was up to his old tricks again.

Also Yesterday Dolph got lost on the plant after leaving a trail of breadcrumbs which were devoured by Heltels pet Squirrels, it seems he used breadcrumbs because his sat nav had broken

News just in today is that Father Bell is actually pregnant, although unconfirmed it has been said by a unnamed source that he is going for a operation on 28th January.

Finally I seem to be leading the unhappy face list this month by 5 to everone else in the office having zero, The Unhappy fave list was the brainchild opf Dolph after visiting The Lost World Nursery where toddlers learn whats right and wrong by being awarded unhappy faces on a chart for there misdemeanours.

So far I have black marks for running out of Manchester Red labels, asking Pinky to leave out 4 packs of Class B bricks instead of Jewson Class B bricks, I faxed an order to myself instead of the courier which meant the customer had to wait an extra four days for delivery, I then sent the wrong courier for one of the samples and he came in a little van for three tons of bricks, and finally I forgot to change one of the drivers loads from 14 packs to 12 resulting in Pinky our FLT driver getting stranded in the mud near the quarry.

So well I guess thats it for today from a blog that seems to be getting forever less popular sob sob, maybe if I sticked to talking about life after drink rather than all this twaddle I might get a couple more visitors.

I feel like Father Mckenzie from the Beales song Eleanor Rigby composing a sermon that no one will ever hear but well so what, it does me some good... I think!

Oh before I go click here ... its hilarious!!!

Christmas Dinner

Just come back from our works Christmas dinner in our canteen, it was very nice indeed, 3 courses; Tomato Soup followed by Turkey, New Potatoes, Carrots, Peas, Bacon Thingies, Sprouts, Gravy Stuffing, followed by Christmas Pudding and Custard.
I could taste a little alcohol in the custard but you cant be too ridiculous can you, I mean there is probably more alcohol in the vinegar I put on Fish and Chips.
I feel really tired now and I am still wearing my party hat, I was sat on a table with Alf, Walter, The Honeymonster, Heltel and accross from me Myria from Dear Deirdre.
In the crackers we found a couple of hitler mustaches and a finger nail plus the following jokes;
Q why was Cinderella So bad at football?
A She had a pumpkin for a coach
Q Why dont witches wear flat hats
A Theres no point
Q Why did the bowling pins lie down
A They were on strike.
So its first day back after the long weekend and its been a funny morning, I earned an unhappy face because the samples we send out well, I was wondering why no one was collecting them, it turns out I had faxed the requests to our own number therefore the courier didnt recieve them.
Then I learned from Inspector Cluesoe over at Flintstones Park that when the courier does come in to collect the samples we need to print despatch tickets out like we do normally for full packs of bricks and this means phoning the sales for every pickup.
This then created more chaos since I needed another session adding on my AS400 computer software so that I could Vehicle Allocate the samples which sales had released and for this I phoned the IT service desk.
The lady there explained I needed to fill in a EIP form, I told her I needed the permissions urgently as now as I speak my boss Dolph was outside directing traffic... The Saga Continues.
Yesterday I thought I was going to have a boring day off taking my mum to the hospital for her second eye operation, but it was all done and dusted for dinnertime and I took my dad Wonderwood over to Toys-r-us to spy some Christmas presents.
On our way we found my old friend JMD who had gone down from 18 stone to 12 stone since I last saw him, despite my best efforts to take him to AA he has continued to drink and now his liver and kidneys are in real danger.
He has just come out of hospital after having a tube inserted into his stomach and lots of poisonous fluid drained plus he is on a whole heap of tablets, he told me that drinking alcohol is no longer an option and he was on his way to ASDA to buy some Kaliber or Becks lager.
I invited him once again to AA and told him that drinking zero percent alcohol is not the answer as it will just play with your head, anyway we both went last night and blimey he is quiet when he is sober!
Well its typical says Harry Potter, who has just been in, "Both f***ing fork truck drivers having their christmas lunch at the same time, organisation around your parts is abysmal, I mean you only have a handful of wagons but we have on average to wait a hour to be loaded"
Sorry Harry its only once per year but that is a really lovely present you have bought Cruella, dont worry your secrets safe with me!

New Dear Deirdre Hairstyle Revealed

Here is the new dear deirdre hairstyle ready for the next Jungle Telegraph, remember he is always ready to answer the question to any problem you have.

Well yes as you may of guessed its another day with no bosses, and I am on holiday on Monday as well because I am going to take my 72 year old Mum Battyeford Lill to hospital for a cateract operation on her other eye so I may or may not have time to sign in from home.

I was dreaming last night I was back at University and I was doing all these exams again, for some unknown reason I was writing the exam paper on this country road somewhere and couldnt concentrate properly because all these ants kept crawling on me.

When I woke this morning and told Luke about the dream and he said sleepily, "its ok dad just have another of your tablets", he has been staying at my house since Wednesday night because his mum the Ice Queen has gone to her current partners dads funeral and I keep getting text messages from the school still and keep replying to this effect.

Hey I have got one of my favourite jokes, which I think sums up how the mystical worlds of hell and heaven could be a place of your own making and some really interesting stats how people die, I found these while trying to find something for Deirdre to say in the next issue of the Jungle Telegraph...

A man spoke with the Lord about heaven and hell.

The Lord said to the man, "Come, I will show you hell."

They entered a room where a group of people sat around a huge pot of stew.

Everyone was famished, desperate and starving.

Each held a spoon that reached the pot, but each spoon had a handle so much longer than their arms that it could not be used to get the stew into their own mouths.

The suffering was terrible.
"Come, now I will show you heaven," the Lord said after a while.

They entered another room, identical to the first - the pot of stew, the group of people, the same long-handled spoons. But there everyone was happy and well-nourished.
"I don't understand," said the man. "Why are they happy here when they were miserable in the other room and everything was the same?"
The Lord smiled, "Ah, it is simple," he said. "Here they have learned to feed each other."

There is such a great moral behind this isnt there!

20 Facts About Death
(1)More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.
(2)More people are killed each year by coconuts than sharks. Approximately 150 people are killed each year by coconuts.
(3)You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.
(4)Fleas have the distinction of killing more people than all the wars man has ever fought. The "Black Death" plague killed 1/4 of Europe's population in the 14th century, caused by germs transmitted from rodents to humans by fleas.
(5)The animal responsible for the most human deaths worldwide is the mosquito.
(6)The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(7)A hundred years ago, the average life expectancy in the United States was forty-seven.
(8)Today, only one in two billion people will live to be 116 or older.
(9)Your statistical chance of being murdered is 1 in 20,000.
(10)There are 5 times as many deaths due to the negligence of doctors as there are deaths due to firearms.
(11)On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.
(12)Robert Hershey, of Hershey Chocolate fame, died when he fell into a vat of chocolate and drowned.
(13)Dr. Alice Chase, who wrote "Nutrition for Health" and numerous books on the science of proper eating, died of malnutrition.
(14)Adolph Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.
(15)When Mahatma Gandhi died, an autopsy revealed that his small intestine contained five gold Krugerrands.
(16)When Thomas Edison died in 1941; Henry Ford captured his last dying breath in a bottle.
(17)In 1845, President Andrew Jackson's pet parrot was removed from his funeral for swearing.
(18)Robert Todd Lincoln, son of Abraham Lincoln, was present at the assassinations of three presidents: his father's, President Garfield's, and President McKinley's. After the last shooting, he refused ever to attend a state affair again.
(19)When Mark Twain was born on Nov 30, 1835, Halley's comet was visible over Florida, Missouri. Mark Twain predicted in 1909 that he would die when it returned. He was right. When he died on April 21, 1910, Halley's comet was once again visible in the sky.

The Best I Can With What I Have Got

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.
After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact, "Mary. Mary."
"Is that you, Fred?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice. I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, golf course again. Then have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again."
"Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven."
"Not exactly, I'm a rabbit in Lancashire."
Another day thats 14,119 days into this incarnation and another day here at the lost world, today with no bosses.
Pinky our Forklift Truck Driver and wagon loader has got monk on with me for something I said yesterday and he aint speaking to me.
Luke came to my house as well last night and we entertained ourselves watching old videos of Red Dwarf.
So whats the meaning of life for me today, well on my own here in the office with no bosses and a steady trickle of wagon drivers has left me thinking about the meaning of existance, not on a deep level but on a day to day level
I guess we are all doing the best we can with what we have.
Poor upbringings cause many people to not have much to do their best with, but hey, that's life. Criminals believe they are powerless, so breaking the social contract is the only way they think they can get what they need and manage to feel somewhat powerful.
People without that hang-up can see that cooperation and respect are really how things get accomplished, but both of these types of people are simply trying to live a fulfilling life using the methods that they think have the best chance of working.
So you see, people are basically good.
They are all trying to do their best.
They often just need some help overcoming inner demons and behavior patterns that aren't really working for them.
Obviously, I am in the same boat.
I am doing the best I can with what I have.
I am already living the most moral and correct life you know how to live.
There is no more that I can do at this moment to be a better person.
I am already a good person.
I do not have to strive every moment to be better than it is possible for me to be.
so I guess I smile at myself. Im OK.
Now, it should be clear that I can improve.
Not by beating myself over the head for bad things I've done; those things couldn't be helped.
I was just doing my best with what I had.
What I can do is learn where my blind spots are.
Watch others.
People who at first glance are just plain old bad people are on further investigation suffering from horrendous misconceptions about how the world works.
I also have misconceptions about the best way to get what I want.
Find those misconceptions and wake up!
But, don't worry if my progress is slow and unsteady.
I will make progress, but after all, I can only do the best I can with what I have.
Anyway I guess I just needed to say all that, I will see you all tommorow

Xygkleoup

I couldnt find a picture to put on my blog today so I had to dig one out of the Harry Potter collection, yes from the man who brought you Bum Bum Banana Drink something about Coca Cola Zero.
So drum roll... its here at last for you to download, our Lost World Newsletter, the one and only Jungle Telegraph
You can download it by clicking here
The final issue of 2007 will be in your laps on Thursday 20th December which will include the Drivers league for the whole of 2007, An interview with Billy Bullsh*t, "Life Before 1940 by Alf", Christmas Greetings by our leader Dolph and of course Dear Deirdre.
Talking of Drivers the December Top 10 has already given a good lead to Piggys Friend..
P L T Name Quantity
▲ 2 1 Piggys Friend 39,224
▼ 1 2 Stumpy 18,728
▲ 5 3 Tim Terapin 17,176
>> NE 4 Lord Archer 10,419
▲ 7 5 Alan Douglas 10,396
▲ 11 6 Craigs 10,396
>> NE 7 AU07BYR / Humfries 10,368
>> NE 8 WU02JXG / Jerramy Rudge 10,304
>> NE 9 NK03BLJ / Rich 7,232
>> NE 10 V963FBV / Jeff 6,328
I missed yesterday with regards to my blog because I was busy giving my computer a total spring clean, I also found an excellent "File Synchroniser" on Microsofts widgets website called "Synchtoy" which is totally free unlike the one I was using before which suddenly out of the blue started trying to charge me to use it.
If you fancy giving it a try visit this link here, what it does well if you are like me and take a flashdrive to work and need to make sure what you have at work is the latest versions of your speadsheets, word docs etc, this is just the thing you need.
Anyway I am feeling quite good at the moment, and Luke will be visiting me tonight and then staying until Sunday because his mums latest boyfriend and indeed my good friend The Russian Spy has just lost his dad into the afterlife and they will be going to the funeral.
I went to AA on Monday and while stood outside the church could feel myself beggining to freeze into isolation but thankfully I was saved when my good friend "If you are able lay a cable", Computer Cowboy came and started chatting, following this the night went really well and I left feeling fantastic.
The sharer was Mother Superior who gave a fantastic share and that prompted a discussion about other forms of treatment such has CBT etc and how much better the AA program was for combatting alcoholism, The spanish Omlette finished the usual shares back from the floor.
I think now after 3 1/2 years of AA meetings the program is beggining to sink in, I am just starting to feel part of something, blimey can you believe it takes that long, but recovery does seem to come in Quantum Jumps.
Finally, the infamous Harry Potter sent me a brilliant joke today which I just had to include...
PHARMACOLOGY . . .
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.
For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen.
Aleve is also called Naproxen.
Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.
After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.
Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.
It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.
Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of
"cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to
do with them.

Jungle Telegraph Issue No 19

Its Monday Morning here at The Lost World and the latest Jungle Telegraph is now out, I will upload it on to my website for tommorow, I reckon this one is the best yet but I guess thats my humble opinion and most people will still think its a load of aimless twaddle but then again they never built statues for critics.

What do you mean statues just get sh** on!

I can let you know our results of the smiley face league for November, its

4) 2 Unhappy Faces Father Bell

3) 5 Unhappy Faces Alf

2) 6 Unhappy Faces Honeymonster

1) 7 Unhappy Faces Mad Mick

Amazingly all The Honeymonsters Unhappy Faces were wrong prices on invoices and smelling the toilets out however I have quite a variety of things I have done wrong, our manager got the idea for the monthly "unhappy" faces chart after visiting Swillington Nursery down the road, they have a simular system to keep their toddlers in check.

Over the weekend me and Luke have watched about 25 episodes of Red Dwarf, a BBc series from the late eighties, early nineties which starred the last human alive Lister, a computer generated hologram of his dead crewmate called Rimmer, a creature that evolved from the ships cat and a aging android who are all stranded on this spaceship which is wondering through space.

I reckon its very simular to the occupants of our office, Father Bell has got to be "The Cat", The Honeymonster is "Lister" because he is smelly, Alf has got to be Kryton- The Android and that leaves Dolph as Rimmer the Hologram.

Of course I become Holly the computer, no seriously that program was the best thing on TV for years, shame they dont make programs like that anymore, I mean the special effects were none existent but it was just soooo funny!

I am now downloading episodes 7 & 8 and I am going to give my schitzophrenic brother a DVD player for christmas and Luke is giving him episodes 1-8 of Red Dwarf, now if that dont make him laugh nothing will.

Talking of Christmas Pressies, I now have 4 of them but I am nearly £1000 in the red with my credit card, I got Luke a £150 laptop off Ebay and The Ticking Bomb a DVD Player plus The uphill Gangster a computer I got off Pinky at work and Stig some electric shock guns.

Well its AA for me tonight and only 3 weeks now till Christmas, I look forard to seeing Veras again... I continue to get messages from Russians on the singles site though, heres the latest...

Hello Michael.

Nice to get mail from you.

What do you think about my photo, which I sent to you?

Do you like it? If you like it, I can send for you more photos.

On a photo on yours weblog, it is a lot of children, all your children?

I have so many questions for you.

You can tell me on any subject.

You will be sure that you have a good friend, who can listen to you and understand you and try to help you.

How much time do you search of pair?

Why do you search in a Internet instead in life?

What are for you the most important values and objectives in life?

I think you attentivly read my profile and saw that i want to find serious relations with man. He must be honour, clever, careful, attentive, loving, gentle, considerable, that I always knew, that I can rely on him in any situation.

I think will be interesting for you to learn more about my character.

I think that I'm very romantic woman.

I like to communicate with people, I like good humor.

I very much appreciate such qualities in the people, as a fidelity and honesty.

I belive in real love and I think that it's very important in live.

I'm very jealous woman.

I love when me present compliments and I'm ready to listen it indefinitely.

For me very important that around of me were cleanliness and order.

I often am engaged cleaning.

Also I like cooking, espessialy some tasty dishes.

I like romantic relations between man and woman, but probably all women dreaming about it. As it is fine to sit on coast and to meet a dawn with the beloved when the first beams of the sun to run on water, and the head lays on a shoulder beloved, and he tenderly touches hair and whispers in gentle words ear.

But usually all relations very quickly come to an end.

I have no intention to waste time on such acquaintances.

I'm not met yet man,which I would decide to give back myself and my life.

But I want to find him. I think that is my dream number one now.

I think that for woman general in live not money or career.

General for woman is have strong family and love man beside for care of him.

Can you tell me about your dreams?

What woman you dream to meet?

I'm sorry, that I ask you about so a frank thing, you see we are familiar only couple of days. But it's very interesting and important for me.

I shortly have written the sights on life, if you want to know something else will be free for asking.

I'll wait your letters.