New Plant At The Lost World

I was going to put all this in the Jungle Telegraph, you see its official we are getting a new plant here at the lost world.
My boss Dolph wont let me put it in though otherwise he says everyone on the plant would riot thinking there jobs are going to be replaced by Robots, anyway its Thursday today...
Many years in the past around the time when Hel-Tel and Alf started working at The Lost World the before the introduction of mechanical diggers the employees here had to dig out the clay using picks shovels and crowbars.
Then Blade came with his Akerman H10V and started using machines which was a lot easier, now with the new plant we will have giant computerised digging machines which will be operated by Blade or whoever his successor is from a little building facing the quarry, he will operate one of these diggers by remote control and place all the clay in a special huge automatic tipper wagon which will run on a railway track and take the clay backwards and forwards to the automatic grinding machine.
The bricks will be produced virtually labour free by robots but we will still need some form of human interaction for which four people will be selected to have a operation to implant a computer chip and a special aerial.
Father Bell and The Honeymonster have already been accepted on to the waiting list for a even more advanced super-implant, The Honeymonster will probably have his s-implant fitted at the same time has his new hip which was in fact kindly donated by a Rhino who died carrying a donor card.
The chips will allow the central computer to report all the details of the plants operation, kiln temperatures, dryer temperatures, production rates directly into the field of vision and which will do this by fooling the brains neurones that the information is in fact there in space in front of them.
The information will be fed wirelessly to them and will have aerials a bit like the teletubbies, they will both then be able to subordinate the various tasks to their chosen 4 brick operatives or if necessary the electricians Gandalf and/or Turkey.
The brick operatives smaller chip will allow just the relevant information selected by Father Bell or The Honeymonster so that they are not overwhelmed by the bigger picture of the plants overall functioning and distracted as a result.
Gandalf already carries a two way radio so the change to a Bluetooth earpiece will be not such a drastic step however Turkey will be forced to carry the new device and if he refuses will have it surgically implanted in his ear.
At the end of the line both Pinky and Perky will have specially adapted Forklift Trucks which will be able to carry up to 16 packs at a time off the special conveyor which will have the capacity to buffer up to 256 packs before bringing the automated dehacker to a temporary halt.
Of course the information and time left before the filling of the buffers off the dehacker will be constantly relayed to Pinky and Perky's respective Fork Lift Trucks allowing them time to load wagons in between.
Sadly by the time all this occurs Alf Garnet will be retired and in his place will be an android in the office similar to kryten off the TV program red dwarf who will make cups of tea, issue commands to the two remaining superfitters and discuss life in the pits with Dolph.
Mad Mick will be resituated at the house at the bottom of the lane and will have a dual role of despatch ticket coordinator and night watchman, he will also be able to live in the house and thereby avoid his 23 ½ mile commute backwards and forwards from Huddersfield and causing less contribution to the carbon footprint.
The computer that oversees the whole plant will be automatically updated by a terminal at the despatch desk of bricks leaving the factory by the activation of the despatch notes and also the automatic weighing of vehicles as they come onto and leave the premises, there will be no other way into the yard except past mad micks despatch window.
When bricks are produced at the dehacker they will automatically added to the yards stock in real time this will be achieved by a special state of the art “eye” which will recognise the brick types being produced.
Production plans will be okayed by Dolph and programmed into the system via internet from Stewartby or wherever the HQ is situated by then and this information will be automatically relayed to The Honeymonsters superchip when time has come to change over, of course all the kiln temperatures and sands rusticating machines etc will be automatically ordered and put in place.
The possibility of a teleporting device to instantaneously transport Dolph backwards and forwards to his home in Leicestershire has been considered and not yet ruled out, though at present the latest Mach IV Quantum Teleporting devices will only transport up to XXXL people and Dolph is XXXXL.
This new plant should be in production by 2010 and The Honeymonster is due for his dual hip/implant operation in late 2009.

Harmless Lovers Tiffs

Hello?
Hello, Is anybody there?
Oh right well its Thursday here at the lost world and I am sat once again at my despatch desk being entertained by Father Bell and The Honeymonster with their harmless lovers tiffs.
It seems that the Honeymonster has been having problems with his hip for some time and well he has a few options left yet but if the worst comes to the worst he might have to have an operation for a new hip.
Father Bell has suggested that a Rhino hip might be suitable and that started their minor bickering off.
Well I still really enjoy my Monday night meeting at AA, but just lately it seems to be getting better, I reckon after years of being locked in my glass box I am starting to come out occasionally, I have had my first crush as well in years on Veras, she said on Monday that I was a bit eccentric when I was telling her about my past at York University.
It seems she has a MSc and got hers at York but was there a bit after when I was there, I also told her about the time when me and two of my mates from Bradley went to York for the day and got totally wrecked then jumped into the big lake there, afterwards we gatecrashed one of the lectures and sat at the back dripping wet, the lecturer clearly unamused just carried on lecturing about his physics bullsh*t.
You know in a way looking back I am glad I didnt end up all posh, and I enjoyed my 9 years following graduation doing a labouring job, cleaning toilets, running a automatic saw and driving a fork lift truck plus of course writing stupid newsletters full of aimless waffle.
The way I see it, the Government can make you get a job but they cannot make you get a high stress job and they cant take more off you than what you get in wages so I have always aimed low career wise initially because I was too drunk to care and now because I see those in high places cracking up, my boss said only the other day that he would just love a job cutting grass on his local golf course!
Anyway I am trying to pull together a new Jungle Telegraph but all the stuff I have saved is crap, I was thinking of some really good piece to put in it to liven it up, maybe I could do a short story about the gay Teletubbie?
Well I guess Ill see you all tommorow, oh blimey its only Wednesday isnt it?
Ill leave you with this, my son has got a mobile phone for his birthday and keeps sending me texts
Text 1 Hi
Text 2 Yes (I asked if he was at school)
Text 3 What U Doing?
Text 4 Ring Me
Text 5 Ring Me Again
Text 6 Dono (I asked him about a forum for parents at his school)
Text 7 Ok its aload ov rubbish (I sent him a dopy of it)
Its all gone quiet now...
Oh BTW I dont know why I put that picture there its got nothing at all to do with what I have been writing about but it looks good doesnt it?

AA Conscience Meeting Jan 08

The AA conscience meeting is like them days at school when the term comes to an end and the teacher lets you bring games in, you can reflect on the few months that’s past you by.
And so it was tonight at our Last of the Summer Winos Monday meeting after a long and very powerful share by our pseudo-vicar Mr Tony Blair who was eight years sober but due to the anonyminity principle I am not allowed to mention that.
The only other strange incident that occurred in the meeting was Veras got up and left prematurely and Bob the Builder who was sat next to her was accused of “touching her” by Yoda.
Anyway, the conscious meeting commenced right after everyone except me had sung happy birthday and I had collected the takings for what could maybe be my last time.
We were all assembled in a ring, The Author, The Computer Cowboy, Spanish, The Messiah, Tony Blair, The Doctors Next Door Neighbour, two I will call Mr A and Ms B to protect there identity, The Catlady, Yoda and myself with The Doctor in the secretarys seat chairing the meeting.
We all received a copy of the minutes of the last meeting, the meetings agenda and my extensive “keep it simple” finance report

At The Doctors prompting, The Messiah commenced the meeting by giving a description of the role of the GSO which he described as “very exciting” but when saying this did so in rather slow speech possibly indicating that it could mean exactly the opposite.
After an extensive debate it was decided that The GSO, The secretary and the treasurer all required a minimum of one years continuous sobriety whereas the literature secretary required just 3 months sobriety.
The Messiah in trying to sell the position had to admit that he had only attended one GSO meeting in the last 2 years but did say that Intergroup was very important for organising telephone help lines, with literature and doing duties that couldn’t be done at group level.
This prompted jeers by Yoda and a calling for order by The Doctor and the position of GSO was put up for nominations which The Doctors Next Door Neighbour indicated that The Posh Lady might be interested but was not present at the meeting has she had prior engagements and at this she was quickly proposed and seconded into the job.
The next duty was my own as treasurer, I reported that we were paid up rent-wise until the end of March and we had £139.13 in the pot after tonight’s taking, I was advised by Mr Blair to keep hold of the money subject to a check by the future literature secretary.
The Doctor put my position up to nominations to a dark silence and this was broken by Spanish indicating that he might be interested but who would produce these posh reports and the only way he could improve was doing say a power point presentation, I offered to email him the excel spreadsheet but he declined saying if it aint broke don’t fix it.
The Doctor then asked me if I was prepared to continue to be the treasurer for another 12 months and I said it would be no problem, in fact I added that it gives me a purpose in life which followed a little laughter.
The third position of literature secretary was preposed and seconded to The Author, the previous trusted servent Mr Blair admitting that he had not done a stock take of the literature for “quite some time” and had grown “complacent” towards his duties adding that it was more suitable for members in the early stages of sobriety in that it didn’t require a great deal of responsibility.
The final position of Secretary was also replaced, meaning that 3 out of the four positions had been substituted and only my own position had remained with me, I suspect they really believed that this position of treasurer had given me a purpose to attend at least one meeting per week, maybe they suspected that if someone else had replaced me here I might drift away from meetings altogether.
What followed the was the proverbial classic debate which made the House Of Commons look a efficient synergy of perfection.
It all started because the Catlady proposed that maybe we should adopt a new position of Catering person who would help the “opener upper” by washing up etc and also serve cups of tea to the members of the meeting through the “hatch” into the spare room thereby eliminating congestion in the kitchen area.
Just as votes were about to be cast on the idea, both Yoda and Tony Blair put forward counter-arguments to the proposal saying it was “stupid” and they like the idea of making there way through the congestion in the kitchen to make the tea how they like it in there favourite cups.
Votes were once again about to be cast but this was once again interrupted by The Author who indicated that it was dangerous for so many people to congregate in the kitchen area and it was basically a dog eat dog world in there where people would just look after themselves pinching people who had waited longers hot water and tea-bags.
This then prompted both Mr A and Ms B to say they would be the first two people to volunteer for the job as Father Ted’s Assistant should it be accepted on a trial period.
Ms B added that she had many of the most meaningful conversations while over the sink washing cups and this had had a very positive effect on her sobriety.
Eventually votes were cast almost unanimously in favour of the position of Catering Person which like the positions of Opener-Upper and Chair-person would be rotated on a four week cycle, the only two voting against were Tony Blair and Yoda.
So well that brought to an end our Conscience meeting for January 2008 and as I drove home I thought what fun it had been!

Friends

My Brand new and highly hillarious story is now available by clicking HERE
It is all about my friends and has gone down really well near where I live, I do hope someone will pop in and have a read, my boss says I have too much time on my hands!
Anyway its Monday here at the lost world and the unhappy face list is being topped by Alf with 6 followed by myself with 5, the Father Bell with 3 and The Honeymonster with just 2.
Father Bell has just had another black mark against his name for raising a requisition for some polythene packaging costing £2,397,500!
I will be going along to AA tonight and its our January elections for trusted servants and maybe my last report as treasurer, its not a bad job bacause you dont have to say much but I got to give it over to someone else if they want it.
I usually go overboard and produce a report which has a graph of collections from the pot for the last 12 months and a full transaction list going back to March 2006 with standard deviation, average and maximum and minimums for the duration and the last 12 months.
The only problem with the treasurers job is the amount of change and also the dodgy coins you get, I usually get rid of the change by putting it in the coin slots of the self service checkouts in the supermarket instead of spending notes, but people who are waiting can look angry at you when you are hogging the checkout for 5 mins or so putting change in.
Well I have had a good weekend, I spent a lot of yesterday cleaning my car ready for its MOT next Saturday, we will be getting a new one very soon as we get one every three years, the next one will be a diesel engine which will hopefully cut down my £40 per week petrol bill to nearer £30
I also bumped into my old mate JMD who looks a lot thinner and not right well but I got to give him credit because he still aint started drinking again but he is still obsessed with those zero alcohol cans of kaliber, which to me shows he hasnt quite got the idea of surrender into his head yet.
Well I guess thats it, Ill be preparing the new Jungle Telegraph this week ready for its release early next week so I wont get chance yet to write the sequel to "Friends".

Devil Worshippers

Well its Friday here at The Lost World and its the last Friday in the month of January which means stock taking, the first one of 2008.
In addition to stock taking going on there is people all over the place, some blokes have just come from Germany to view the site of last weeks accident, some burke has decided to use our office as a telephone booth and is pacing about as I speak talking to his mobile, how I hate one way conversations on mobile phones.
Dolph is having a meeting in his office about Quality, Alf has chosen today as a convenient day to have a day off and Father Bell has gone to the hospital to have a camera down his throat exploring for the 3 tins of tuna, 6lb of chicken, 20 mars bars and 5lb of sugar that was stolen from the canteen on Monday.
On top of all that lot and Blade and his men have discovered Devil Worshippers have broken into one of the disused houses at the bottom of our lane, the house used to be rented out but has been left empty sonce we went in for planning permission for the new site to be built here, which has now been okayed by Leeds Council.
Blade and his men discovered that the door had been broken in and all the chairs were arranged in a circle round a two foot purple stuffed bunny rabbit, not a real one a teddy type one, someone said they thought Leeds Council must have used the house for one of there meetings about issuing sandbags to local residents.
Apparently during the recent floods one resident was informed it was not council policy to issue sandbags until the water was in the house by of course which time it would be too late.
Oh yes I have written a brand new story for all my local residents near where I live, its called "Friends" and I think its one of the funniest things I have written, I will post it to my new page on my sister site on Monday which is called Jedi Master Training.
Anyway feeling good today because well another weekend is beckoning and I am looking forward to it so Ill see you (all!) chronically depressed again on Monday and I will had "Friends" to that page for all you eager readers over the weekend, I bet you cant wait can you!

Lukes 13th Birthday

Its Lukes 13th Birthday today and in the picture here you can see me Luke and Miss Boley when we were camping last year at Reignton Sands overlooking the sea.
Luke was born 3 months premature and spent his first few weeks in an incubator, for quite a while it was touch and go if he would make it, but thankfully he did and has been a total inspiration to my life.
Me and Luke Baggins have a special handshake when greeting and saying bye to each other and this is that I grab his left foot with my right hand and he grabs my right foot with his left hand and with both our other legs we hop 3 times on the spot.
Luke also introduced me to playing “lightsabres” with rolls of wrapping paper in the pound shop or supermarket and I once sent him into a bookshop to enquire about a book called “Fly Fishing” by “JR Hartley”, this was when he was younger he now views a lot of my requests as suspect.When he was younger too he believed all sorts of nonsense I used to tell him such as there was a strange creature who lived in our local nature reserve called “Hamster-Spring-a-Leak”, that my mums house was haunted by its previous occupant called Mr Dennison and also an entity called “The Creepy Crawley Hand” was poking about the place but both of the latter lived in our attic and only came out after the hours of midnight when our car turned back into a pumpkin.
Until he was 9, when I was actively drinking he put up with alsorts from me and I think seeing me has stregthened his resolve not to end up that way himself however if alcoholism is a genetic I guess he wont have much choice in the matter.
Whereas my niece Buttercup is always out on her visits to her Grandmas on a weekend, hanging round with her many friends and numerous boyfriends Luke prefers to play on his Playstation or hang round with his brother and cousin who sometimes accompany him.
Anyway for his 13th birthday I bought him a Nintendo Wii game plus spare pad for his Wii player at home which his mum got him for Christmas, I still go and pick him up every Friday night and he stays with me at his Grandmas till Sunday but I am starting to wonder when he wont want to come any longer especially now that he is a teenager.
I cannot imagine going to pick him up in 5 years time when he is 18!
Still we have had some fun while he has been growing up and although I was terrified at first having a son has been the best experience of my life by far.
Happy Birthday Luke!

New Directors

I am pleased to announce changes in the Lost World organisation:
Red Brick & Ebay Director
Green Brick & Horse Racing Correspondent Director
Swillington CEO Despatch & Talking Bollocks Director
Engineering And Tea Making Director

The team will be based in the new UK headquarters in the Lost World area once established in the middle of the year. They will be responsible for delivering the combined Lost World 2008 plan as well as the 2008 and 2009 Lost World synergies.
The Honeymonster as Green Brick & Horse Racing Correspondent Director will continue in his current role with responsibility for trips to the bookies. Alf Garnet will retain responsibility for Engineering, Tea Making, Kiln, Quarry and Health and Safety. Alf and Mr Monster will report to me and I will assume overall responsibility for the Lost World Site to ensure sufficient high level management focus on delivering the market synergies associated with bringing the business together.
Jedi Master Mad Mick will take responsibility for the combined despatch and purchasing function and for delivering the synergies highlighted in the integration process with his role as Despatch & Talking Bollocks Director, he will also continue in his role as writing silly newsletters
Father Bell remains in the role of Red Brick And Ebay Director, focused firstly on delivering a stable production platform and then driving down the production costs at Swillington by purchasing snooker queues off ebay.
"Blade" takes responsibility for Quarry operations, including slag sourcing, will report to Alf Garnet, the Engineering and Tea-making director
The Financial Controller has yet to be appointed.
Barbies position as Canteen Director, Swillington, is unaffected.
I’m sure you will join me in congratulating all the above on their new roles. Further announcements on the wider reorganisation will be made in the next few weeks.
Dolph Lungren
The Lost World CEO
The Lost World
Yes its re-organisation all round here at The Lost World with many newly created directors, our CEO Dolph is also thinking of instating a nice young lady as a "Feelgood and Positive Thinking Director" to keep us all feeling good while we get on with our work.
Me and my boss Dolph yesterday put together a version of the above which he wanted sending to a selected few individuals (the original version of the message can be viewed by clicking here) and it has since had everyone in constant laughter which has at least got rid of some of the tension which was left over from last weeks accident.
Anyway "Dangerous" who was in Pinderfields hospital is expected to be let come home some time today, thankfully he only suffered severe bruising on his back, the investigations into the accident are still continuing.
Sales this week are still very slow, with the drivers chart looking something like this;
Mv Sept Position Name Quantity
▲ 2 1 Keith Chicken 64,014
▲ 12 2 Stumpy 45,004
▲ 30 3 CX55AEA / Rob 38,400
▼ 1 4 Piggys Friend 34,253
>> NE 5 DX05AWF / Ben 32,092
>> NE 6 Bruce Forcythe 30,443
▼ 5 7 Tim Terapin 27,384
▲ 19 8 Shadrack 22,300
>> NE 9 Cartwright 19,612
>> NE 10 Blackbird 19,248
>> NE 11 Alf Garnet 18,709
▲ 33 12 Greyhound 18,432
▼ 7 13 Harry Potter 14,189
>> NE 14 PN570PJ / Dave 14,188
>> NE 15 FX04BHJ 10,396
We also have been invaded by a army of intelegent rats which are huge, it was reported on Monday that they had actually broke the lock into the canteen where barbie works and nicked a load of chocolate and chicken but this has still to be confirmed by Gandalf our Electrician and Detective Director.
I guess with all this excitement going on I am quite well entertained, what started as Black Monday has become a quite interesting week and I am feeling quite good, but I did notice that none of my readers have read the 3 stories I shared with you on Monday and as a consequence I could just have another boo.
Well we are halfway though another week and it will soon be weekend again, but I must concentrate on living in the now, I will be getting a new car in Mid February which is a diesel version of my Focus Cmax, I am lucky in that my dad actually helps finance it otherwise I think I would be driving a robin reliant.
Which brings me to...
Q: What do you call a Robin at the top of a hill?
A: A miracle.
Q: What do you call a Robin with two exhaust pipes?
A: A wheelbarrow
Q: How do you execute a hand brake turn in a Robin?
A: Stick your arm out the window and grab a sign post.
Q: Why do Reliant Robins have heated rear windows?
A: To keep your hands warm while pushing it!
Q: Why do you call a Reliant Robin with a football inside it?
A: A whistle.
As a senior citizen was driving his Reliant Robin down the motorway, his mobile phone rang. Answering, he heard his wifes voice urgently warning him, "Dennis, I just heard on the news that theres a car going the wrong way on the M25. Please be careful!" "Hell," said Dennis, "Its not just one car. Its hundreds of them!"
See you all tommorow!

Floods and Floods (of tears)

Well over here in West Yorkshire we had another major flood, its been raining now for days and the employees here at the Lost World had started construction of an Arc but we couldnt find another Honey Monster to accompany Mini Roundabout.
The river Calder which flows near where I live was at the highest that I had ever seen it, the canal and the river were just one mass off water as were the surrounding fields, it hadnt quite reached the road which runs between the robin hoods grave woods and the river near Cooper Bridge but it was very close. It says with all this global warming that our winters are going to get 20% wetter and I think this is already happening, the previous record I have seen the Calder was back in June but it was nowhere near last nights.
I went to AA last night and The Author was Chairing and one of our group Elders, The Coilminer was sharing, I did notice Veras coming in late and she was all dressed up, but I didnt really get chance to talk to her since she was still being congratulated by everyone for last weeks share.
I have heard The Coilminers story many times in the past but because there was a newcomer there he felt obliged to tell it again however it always gets a good laugh from everyone.
I myself think the Coilminer is probably the most advanced AA member I know with well over 20 years of quality sobriety, he always comes over to shake my hand, however when he was drinking if his story is to be believed he was a really nasty piece of work.
Initially he spent 13 months sober by taking "Ativan" which he says he was "Eating His Booze" and was a "bigger c*** then than he was when he was drinking and at least when he went out to drink his wife got some resbite".
After the meeting I noticed that Veras was happily chatting with a group of girls from our meeting so I went home for two reasons;
a) I wanted to take the dogs (Miss Boley & Mr Bodie now remember) down near the river so I could see the full extent of the flood
b) I was sulking because she hadnt talked to me
I saw her walking up to her car as I drove away though, but I was thinking then, its just too much trouble all this, I cant be bothered, you see I get like that and she probably doesnt even know I like her and I have fallen out with her!
Anyway down near the river with my dogs I did the usual walk and the river had even flooded the track so I ended up with wet trousers and shoes while Mr Bodie went for his first swimming lesson, Miss Boley just strolled through the water non plussed.
So well I guess Ill carry on sulking till next week, it aint gonna happen is it, me and veras, well Ill see you all tommorow

Mr Bodie

We have aquired a little dog over the weekend from one of my niece, Buttercups friends and We have called him Mr Bodie.
You can see him pictured here with me when me and Luke took him for a walk yesterday with Miss Boley, Mr Bodie and Miss Boley appear to be getting on quite well and hopefully he should cheer old Boley up a bit.
Talk about cheering up, I was ok this morning despite all the rain and floods and the fact it was Monday until the lady on the radio told me it was "Blue Monday", the most depressing day of the year, then I started to feel really depressed and have continued to secumb for the rest of the morning.
Still I will be seeing Veras at AA tonight and that should cheer me up a bit plus I have got to remember to pay 2 months rent for the church for February and March.
At work today it feels like a morgue, everyone is at each others throats, you see there was a bad accident on Friday afternoon when a girder holding a small crane fell on one of the lads who is nicknamed "Dangerous", he is now in Pinderfields hospital with severe bruising.
Now investigations are under way into how the accident occurred, the first I knew of it was when Badger came racing into the office shouting call an ambulance immidiately which I of course did, since then the atmosphere here is rather not surprisingly rather grim.
I feel quite bored as well today, I have hardly anything to do but feel a bit guilty trawling the internet, anyway on a more perhaps cheerful note I have added 3 new stories to my sister site http://www.madmickstories.com/;
The first is called "Anger - The Dark Side" it is about how the government and the system in general keeps us in a perpetual state of anxiety so that we are more easily controlled en mass.
The second is a collaboration with my friend called "The King Of The Potato People" and is about how money and debt which is an illusion created by The Empire (the government) help keep this state of anxiety for him and is from his point view.
The Third is another Collaboration, this time with my friend The Russian Spy who is Lukes mum, The Ice Queens latest and best boyfriend, (now fiance) and is called "Philosophy" it shows from his point of view how the empire cons us.
Well I guess I will leave you with that because I am too depressed to talk anymore, see you tommorow...

Educated Psychotic

Heres a photo of me I found from July 1990 just after I graduated from doing a Physics degree, I remember looking back I was incredibly depressed back then my world seemed to have closed in on itself, I no longer had any dreams or aspirations anymore.
I believed the world was composed of a load of balls which were moveing randomly around subject to blind forces whose behaviour could be described by cold mathematical equations.
The whole world was a huge machine, life was just a chance event in a meaningless universe, devoid of any God or any purpose.
18 years have since passed, I have spent half of that time labouring at a Engineering Company called Huddersfield after spending 14 weeks in hospital following a suicide attempt.
You can read my experience at this time in a story I wrote about the incident here at the link called Life After Death
If there was ever a turning point in my life I think it was this point but it still didnt stop me continuing to drink for the next 14 years however it did begin to open my mind against the brainwashing education I had received, its been a long journey from the depths of depression but I feel after 3yrs 4mths of total abstinence from drink I am just beggining to rediscover the meaning of existence, but it is something nebulous that cant be put into words or mathematical formula, its as if we only are experiencing a tiny portion of this world and its in our best interest to remain blind to the fundamental truths of existence.
I no longer have to analyse, I just need to have faith in these principles I have been given, like Veras said at her share on Mondays AA, it just all clicked together really quick for me, I was ready for being reborn into a sober world rather than spending lots of money buying chemicals to escape from it.
Oh I remember thinking sobriety was going to be really boring, everything would be dull and lifeless, but it isnt, its not wonderful either, its just middle of the road no mood swings from euphoria to the depths of depression.
Oh No
I am getting all deep again arnt I, I keep telling myself just to live not only in this moment but also in one world at a time and hand my life over to God, yes thats better...
Well its Friday here at the lost world and of course its dinnertime, I have just had a Chicken Balti Pizzatilla, A Red Hot Peperoni and two "Very Berry" muffins and am looking out of the window full of serenity, once in my past I would stare at the heavens, eyes open wide with a tear in my eye but now I just feel general wellbeing, the demons of the past are dead and the future is beckoning me!
See you all on Monday

The New Deirdre

This is Deirdre, our garage mechanic at the lost world, he is also our infamous Jungle Telegraph agony aunt and despite having a month off during Issue No20 he promises to reappear in Issue No21.
Harry Potter has been in this morning to collect his delivery which has on the special instructions "Behind The Sex Shop", I just wonder what he is dropping off there besides bricks.
I have ordered our leader Dolphs XXXL Sweatshirts and the bloke at the suppliers made me aware that they were doing up to quintuple XL, thats XXXXXL, when I told my manager this he boomed, "who is the cheeky sod on the other end of that phone", The gentleman I was talking to did actually sound a bit inebbrieted and piped up with, "well we could send 3 mediums and a copy of the cambridge diet".
Anyway it was agreed he wanted XXXL and the gentleman said that the courier "fastweight" delivered to our postcode and were substantially cheaper than pallettforce, he then erupted into laughter, I will let you know if Dolphs sweatshirts arive.
Anyway today Brains From Thunderbirds, has come from Teletubbieland to chair the meeting about "Energy" with N-man, Dolph and a usually reluctant Alf who has returned from a period of absence with this spacebug, Alf commented for the record that he had actually enjoyed the meeting and had found it very interesting, but I suspect he said this under duress.
Dolph admitted to me last night that he would love a job cutting grass on the golf course where he lives with no stress, I agreed with him that nice low stress jobs like mine are much better for your mental health, when you are a manager you are sandwiched between the devil and the deep blue sea.
Anyway here is the top 12 of drivers for January...
Mv Sept Position Name Quantity
▲ 12 1 Stumpy 45,004
> 2 2 Keith Chicken 44,629
▲ 30 3 CX55AEA / Rob 38,400
▼ 1 4 Piggys Friend 34,253
>> NE 5 DX05AWF / Ben 32,092
▼ 5 6 Tim Terapin 24,220
▲ 19 7 Shadrack 19,612
>> NE 8 Cartwright 19,612
>> NE 9 Blackbird 19,248
▲ 33 10 Greyhound 18,432
>> NE 11 Alf Garnet 15,996
▼ 7 12 Harry Potter 14,189
Well girls thanks for all the comments, I feel wanted now, I guess its an alcoholic thing I want to be the centre of attention, I have been asking Father Bell about suggestions how to give a valentines card to Veras, he says I should leave it in the AA kitchen next to the kettle so she will discover it when she makes her cup of tea and to get it written by Luke or Buttercup so if she asks if its my handwriting I can honestly answer no!
Well I have written 3 new stories for my mates in Bradley, they are called "Anger - The Dark Side", "The King Of The Potato People" and "The Philosophy Of The Russian Spy", I will upload them to my sister website soon and post the links

Aimless Waffle

Well I am trying for the record of the least read most boring blog in existence, maybe its because I keep waffling on about my life here at work and what our neighbours cat had for dinner last night but it seems no one wants to read about my Adventures as a Jedi Master anymore.

So well I might as well as keep writing it anyway, otherwise I would have nothing to do here on a dinnertime at The Lost World.

Alf is off again today, apparently he has caught this bug which has come from Space, it seems according to the rumours that when a certain comet floats by the sun melts some of the ice which releases these bugs which have been frozen for many millenia and they fall to earth and are responsible for outbreaks of flu and cold.

It seems that alf has caught one of these space bugs and is at home shaking, sneezing and has a severe headache, strangely both myself and The Honeymonster have never had a day off while we have worked here, I have been here just over 2 years while he has been here ten times that!

Anakins Dad has got the pod on because he doesnt want to go on the Confined Space Training says The Honeymonster so we are seeking lottery donations to make him smile and Father Bell has joined Canibals Anonymous.

So I guess its a normal day here at The Lost World, you know I enjoy my job, its not really for money which is just a product of the government anyway, its just meeting all these highly colourful characters and well it gets me out of the house dont it.

Anyway I am just writing 3 fabulous new stories for my sister site at http://www.madmickstories.com/ plus I am getting items ready for the 21st Issue of The Jungle Telegraph due at the beggining of February, one of the stories is to be called "The King Of The Potato People" after my friend of the same pseudonym.

Oh yes and Madonna, my favourite singer looks like she might finally be releasing a new single in February here in the UK, its called "4 minutes To Save The World" and its from her 11th as yet untitled studio album.

Learning To Be A Actor

Here is my best mate, Miss Boley, a really placid black labrador Cross when she was on holiday in Skipsea back in 2006.

She was born on Mothers Day in 2001 and so will be 7 this year, when she was younger she had an extensive heart operation which she nearly died which I think has made her very grateful for life, a bit like me in a way, I nearly died back in 1990.

Well I enjoyed my favourite Monday night meeting again last night, and guess what, Veras ended up sharing her extensive experience with us all.

Obviously I cant mention what she shared about because "Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions", but when she revealed that over the 16 years of sobriety she had learned to become a very good actor something clicked with me.

You see the reason I lack confidence in myself is the same reason why I drank and when I got drunk I escaped from this awful self conscious feeling and could be "someone else", it was as if drink allowed my mind to be possessed by far more confident entities and I could become larger than life.

inevitably the drink wore off and the old me came back, but in the early days I always knew that a drink would enable me to escape, however like any drug you start to use it more and more because well first you would feel lower than normal just after a session so you first need a few drinks to get the old me back and return to how you was before and some more to get you back to that super confident person again.

Secondly, if you had a super ability, such has the ability to say fly, you would use the ability more and more wouldnt you

Eventually though over the years, the difference between the amount of drink required for you just to feel that lift and the amount of drink required for you to suffer blackout becomes very narrow, the closer you approach the alcoholic state the narrower this gap becomes and drink no longer gives you extra confidence, in fact it starts to take things away from you.

When you quit drinking you are still the same old inconfident self that you were before you started drinking but now you no longer have the magic solution, so like Veras said you need to learn to Act confident.

So one of the many talents that AA teaches us is to learn to Act, call it fake it to make it, we pretend initially that we understand this program and over the years the gradual drip, drip of experience makes this acting become more natural.

My shyness, I understand is because I am focusing on what I dare not do, instead of just acting out the confidence I am focussing on my lack of confidence.

She did a fantastic share, and by the end of the meeting everyone was congratulating her, I couldnt get near to even thank her, but I will have chance next week, I think what I realised is she is very wise indeed at the AA way of life, wheras I am a mere toddler on the scale of things.

Anyway I will speak again tommorow because I am running out of dinnertime!

The King Of The Potatoe People

Blimey these weekends really fly by and before you know it you are back here at your post at the Lost World, this weekend Me and Luke went to see "The King Of The Potatoe People" (pka The Zookeeper) on Friday and Saturday nights, youll all be glad to know he is feeling much better and between us we have inspired a new Story, more of that later on in the week.
His sister has got a job at the Sushi & Seafood restaurant pictured above and we were wondering just how would she answer the phone!
Anyway Saturday afternoon Luke and Mr Poppel and Me went for our usual visit up town, we always pass this busker in the subway and ask him to play requests like Madonna, one day I think I will get a video of him, I like these sorts of characters, they put colour in an otherwise grey world.
On Sunday Stig came, thats Lukes younger brother and I took my dad to see his tennant Diesel who wanted his Computer setting up and his shower had sprung a leak, so very soon the weekend was over and it was back here again.
Father Bell has had half day holiday today to get his hair cut and The Honeymonster has just told me its a Indoor Playtime this dinnertime so we cant play in the yard, I hate indoor playtimes, its not fair.
Alf says Uncle Fester from Flintstones Park has the most depressing answer phone message he has ever heard, while Dolph our leader is in Stealth mode in the office listening, Harry Potter has been in on his first day back at work after being poorly all last week, he says he is trying for a baby with Cruella, he wants a son to pass on all the skills he has learned in this lifetime.
Well its AA again tonight and my chance once again to see Veras, I wont tempt fate by what will happen but I am keeping my fingers crossed!

Dancing Wu Li Masters

This is a brick, it is what I have dedicated my life to helping to produce, strangely when I did my career options back in 1983 while at school I can never recall ever thinking about working on a despatch desk at a large multinational company making bricks as one of my choices.
After I lost my way with alcohol, this job seemed to find me rather than I finding it, still at my AA home group there is a famous author who works at the fish stall at our local supermarket and many more people who are unemployed, and the problem with the latter is at an interview how do you explain the long periods you have spent doing nothing to the interviewer.
So I suppose I am lucky to work here, prior to working here, I worked at another site which I call Hogwarts/Flintstones Park which I also was part of the Data Team analysing the statistics of making bricks.
And before that I spent 9 years labouring at a Engineering Works called Sellers, I started there just temporary after graduating in 1990 then trying to commit suicide and winding up with 33% burns after sniffing petrol.
So I suppose while the alcohol consummed me career wise I just drifted like a leaf in the wind and ended up here, which luckily I am reasonably happy, though it is quite a commute to get here in a morning.
Now I can put my future in the hands of my Higher Power, so I still dont have to take responsibility for it which suits me just fine, just one thing I would like though, and I keep praying in a morning along the lines of... "I know God its your will and not mine but would you help me with my secret quest for a companion for life, eg Veras", I dont know if this is keeping with the Step 3 idea of handing my will over?
I dreamt last night that I had been really poorly and the MD of my old works had decided to visit me while I was in a coma and decided to build me a huge house for me and all my friends to live in, All my old workmates were there helping me to build this house but it was a bit bodged in places, with rain leaking in here and there.
I wonder what this dream could mean, I am facinated by dreams, I mean they dont come from me do they, they must come from somewhere far away, maybe my guardian angel who is guiding me through this lifetime, and if my life is a highway, my soul is a car and my dreams are the signs on the road.
I ended up with a company making bricks and dream of building a bodged house with the help of my old workmates, what could it all mean?
Could it mean that after the desolation of drinking I ended up employed by a company making bricks indicating that this was the "building phase" of my life, and my dream last night shows the progress, with my life bodged together in places but happy amonst the common people?
I was reading a book last night called "The Dancing Wu Li Masters" and its about well Quantum Mechanics and Eastern Mysical Thinking and it says that science up to the revolution of Quantum Mechanics was 100% material, i.e. the world exists "out there" irrespective of me, the I "in here".
Now Quantum Mechanics is telling us that we have gone as far as we can with this type of thinking, reached the buffers at the trainstation and its time to move to a more "Idea centred" universe, where "in here" influences "out there".
A 100% idealistic universe says without me to observe it it dont exist, but thats too far, QM indicates a sort of union of these two complementary principles, a sort of Yin and Yan, Dreams I think are bringing us back to a more centred view of the world.
Blimey I gone all deep again havent I, well I guess I will have another couple of dreams and see you all (er ..) on Monday

Dreams?

Does anyone know anything about grouping reports in Microsoft Access, I am trying to improve our monthly report by adding a further layer of grouping by Order Number but I dont want to sort this level by order number but by a more meaningful sum of purchase order value, the only option it gives is sort by order number.
Anyway Ill leave that now and try and forget it for a while, its dinnertime, that is blogging time, so what shall I witter on about today?
I have felt right motivated since Christmas and full of life normally January is a depressing month but I feel okay, and I am having some lovely nights sleep full of real vivid dreams, it got me wondering what are dreams and where do they come from?
If you do a bit of searching on the net you come accross a whole variety of explanations from the mundane dreams as an interaction between the unconscious and the conscious to the more strange explanations that we are undergoing brief visits to the afterlife plane of existence.
I keep dreaming about my old motorbike which I had when I was 16/17 which was an old battered Yamaha RD50, I also dream a lot about my old place of work Sellers before I worked here making bricks but more often than not when I am in the dream it feels like I am at home and this is the natural existence for my mind, in fact I would go as far as to say the best parts of my life are when I am asleep!
Anyway whats happening today at The Lost World, well Alf is still typing out risk assessments which no one will ever read, I suggested that I will do a risk assessment for moving the clock backwards and forwards for british summertime but I dont think he thought it was very funny.
On the Unhappy face list Alf is leading the board with 6, to my five and Father Bell and The Honeymonster are both neck and neck with two apiece.
Of course January is not exactly a big month for sales so the chart for the drivers league is hardly going to break any records, here it is as at close of play last night
▲ 12 1 Stumpy 37,320
▲ 30 2 CX55AEA / Rob 28,800
▼ 2 3 Keith Chicken 19,612
▲ 33 4 Greyhound 18,432
▼ 1 5 Piggys Friend 16,900
▼ 5 6 Tim Terapin 13,824
▲ 19 7 Shadrack 10,396
>> NE 8 FX04BHJ 10,396
>> NE 9 Apple & Mango 10,396
>> NE 10 Dicky Bird 10,236
Father Bell has been really grumpy this morning, he has even thrown Pinky and Perky out of his Snooker team for being crap and had a tantrum with The Honeymonster, who since Christmas seems to have been avoiding the office.
I have given the interview sheets to Heltel for the next Issue of The Jungle Telegraph which is progressing slowly, that is due early February, anyway I guess I will speak to you all tommorow unless I am as busy as I was yesterday!

The Force Was With Me

Do we judge ourselves against what people appear to be to us, is that what makes Alcoholics lack confidence and need to resort to alcohol to gain confidence and loose ability, leading us to the mess we all find ourselves in.
I could feel my higher power at work last night at AA, I went into the meeting at about quarter to eight and within a few minutes Veras came in and sat right behind me.
We must have spent some ten minutes chatting and I found out she is 16 years in AA, making myself a mere baby in comparison, she is also exactly the same age as me but she certainly looks a lot younger, I had thought she was about 30.
The most important thing is I felt really comfortable in conversation with her, like I could just talk for ages, and she doesnt live that far from me.
Bob The Builder was Chairing the meeting again and this week The Doctor was sharing and it was a really fantastic share, which is the standard you expect from his analytical abilities.
After the meeting Veras went out of her way to hold my hand for the Serenity Prayer and then I lost sight of her, to me it seemed like cupid was aiming his arrows our way, if there was ever a case for a higher power or force, he/she was definately with us last night but despite the ten minute conversation and holding hands I never got a chance to ask her if she was single, I couldnt think of a way to bring that into the conversation.
Anyway I was getting a bit fed up with AA but now I have a new incentive to attend, it would be great to find love again, its just breaking through them barriers isnt it, I feel like a fourteen year old writing in their secret diary, I guess sometimes I forget I am broadcasting this to the world.
I doubt the world reads it all though, in fact I think I am safer writing it in here that I would be in a diary stuffed under my pillow, I know some people know I write a blog but I doubt very many of the people who know me actually read it.
Well today at work Darth Vador paid us all a visit and we all had to act really proffesional for a while, I obviously got stuck making the tea for everyone while Alf busied himself on his health and safety reports which no one ever reads, meanwhile Father Bell went to Sainsburies to get his grub for the week.
So how do I feel today, well I guess I feel OK, I am real glad Christmas is out of the way, its not that I dont like it, its just everything seems to grind to a halt a bit like one of those huge freight trains coming to a stop for a red light.
Then it takes all of January for everything to get started again.
So well I thought to end this post I might ask a few Children at Swillington Nursery for some advice about love and marriage and well er here are some of there answers...
WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?
"Once I'm done with nursery, I'm going to find me awife." (Tom, 5)
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." (Mike, 9)
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." (Jim, 10)
CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE:
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deoderantare so popular." (Jan, 9)
ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE:"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life."(Roger, 9)
"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." (Leo, 7)
ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE:"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." (Jeanne, 8)
"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me, I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." (Gary, 7)
"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." (Christine, 9)
CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS:"
They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them." (Dave, 8)
CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE:
"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The Simpsons' is on television." (Anita, 6)
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." (Bobby, 8)
"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." (Regina, 10)
THE PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER:
"One of you should know how to write a check. Because even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." (Ava, 8)
SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU:
"Don't do things like have smelly, green trainers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." (Alonzo, 9)
"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually work for me." (Bart, 9)
WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU"
"The person is thinking, Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day." (michelle,9)
HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE:
"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." (Tom, 7)
"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." (Randy,8)

Superlager?!

Well I have had a good weekend and I am looking forward to my weekly AA meeting tonight and being able to see Veras, I have even cancelled the renewal of my membership of the Singles site. All the kids have gone back to school and the remaining people have gone back to work, as a result the M62 Motorway this morning was back to the usual chaos.
On Friday I started a debate about how much I used to drink and have got a report about the type of lager I used to drink, I dont know if these products were/are available in other countries and would be interested to know if they are, my report can be found by clicking here
As far as I can tell the "Superstrength Lager" industry is exclusive to the UK but with each can equivelent to 4.5 units of alcohol and the Government Safe Drinking recomendation being 3-4 units per day for a male and 2-3 units per day for a female the strength of these beers seem to be just for the street drinker or those who have given up on the idea of ever living normally again.
Like I said I used to have 6-8 of these deadly drinks per day and it certainly wasnt for the taste which can only be described as simular to sweet petrol, but it was purely to exorcise my demons and escape from myself for a few hours until the effects wore off and I was left with a rabid thirst for another can, this continued until I passed out.
Anyway thankfully that is all behind me now, but the number of these cans you see thrown around the countryside definately indicates I wasnt the only one, my brother who suffers from schitzophrenia regularily goes for a "walk" daily to consume his daily ration of 4-5 of these super-lagers which have strengths averaging about 9% and contain 500ml for the price of £1.25-£1.50 each.
Anyway I just thought it was interesting to look back on how fortunate I was to escape from Superstrength hell, well, its Monday Dinnertime here at The Lost World and Father Bell was late because he broke his toilet after having a poo and had to wait for the plumber to fix it, it cost him £55.
He then took delivery of the Thermal vests and Long Johns what he had asked me to order last week and accused me of getting all the order wrong, however, I had simply ordered what he had asked me to so for future referance I will make sure I keep a log on the requisition of who the garments or items are for and get the requisition signed by who ever asks me to order items on there behalf.
Well I guess I will leave you with a joke and bid you farewell until tommorow dinnertime...
There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since his last meal, he flew down and began to eat.
He ate and ate and ate.
Finally, he decided he had eaten enough and tried to fly away.
He had eaten too much though, and could not get off the ground.
As he looked around wondering what to do now, he spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the wall.
He climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once he got airborne, he would be able totake flight.
Unfortunately, he was wrong and dropped like a rock, splatting when he hit the floor.
Dead.
The moral to the story is: Never fly off the handle when you know you're full of shit.

Writers Block?

You know I feel totally devoid of any ideas what to write about, I would be no good as a novelist it must be so hard to be someone like Stephen King or JK Rowling.

I mean I have poured my heart and soul out on to my blog, talked about everything from "Why are we here in this Universe" to my love for a member of my AA meeting I call Veras to the people I work with in this office.

I cant even think of a major blockbuster for my sister site http://www.madmickstories.com/ and the visitors for both sites are dwindling with so little new material or profound new ideas from a guy who was renowned for his fertile imagination.

I suppose thats what Christmas does to you, renews you, wipes out all your crap which is what I live on, at this rate I might even start turning sensible then I will no longer be known as Mad Mick.

The book I am reading at the moment is called "Where Are They?" and its about extraterrestrial life in the universe and how in the observable universe containing about 10,000 million galaxies each containing 10,000 million stars on average there should be loads of it ... but as we all know there isnt at least if you discount The Honeymonsters clothing which Alf threw into a bin liner before the holidays.

I was also watching Michelle Heaton in a documentary The Truth about Binge Drinking broadcast on ITV1, where she aimed to drink more than the recommended amount of alcohol for thirty days, to show the price that binge drinkers pay for their habits. She consumed a total of 349 units of alcohol over the space of 21 days. Her body fat index increased from 25% to 29% and her liver dysfunction increased from 16% to 86%. She ended the binge early after suffering heart palpitations and prolonged pins and needles.

I thought blimey I used to consume in a typical week on average 8 cans of super lager per day, i.e 1 can of Tennents Super Strength (Tramp Juice!) is googled at 4.5 units therefore 8 cans comes at 36 units which was my Average Daily Intake (the last week on holiday I drank far in excess of this)

Therefore over a typical 21 day period I retailed at some 756 units!

I wonder if I have any lasting side effects from all that, well thank god and my HP that is behind me now, but the documentary did bring some memories flooding back.

Well its Friday here at the lost World and I am ready for the weekend now after what has been a short week, see you all on Monday, I will leave you with our January Chart of wagon drivers...

1 Stumpy 23,496
2 Greyhound 18,432
3 Shadrack 10,396
4 Dicky Bird 10,236
5 PN570PJ / Dave 9,216
6 PLJ Dixon 9,216
7 Blackbird 9,216
8 S222MGT / Mark 6,328
9 PG03AOK / Bob 4,044
10 Tommy Cooper 904

First Snowfall

Its been snowing here at the lost World, its been so bad that its delayed our manager Dolphs arrival by four hours, in fact you can see in the picture the snow has nearly covered the path near our offices.
Incidentally I hang out in the building at the end of the red arrow and today I am tired because last night I hardly got any sleep.
For some strange reason best known to itself my dad, Wonderwood has started letting my niece and all her really dodgy mates stay the night in the room which is immidiately below my bedroom, last night was the noisiest ever, our house phone was ringing which also has an extension in my bedroom, they were banging about down stairs, laughing and talking.
Having been awoken by the phone ringing I went down and unplugged the main socket from the wall then managed somehow to get back to sleep around 230am.
This morning I woke them all up by pouring a milk bottle of cold water on there heads and this was after I had said my prayers otherwise I might of been even less forgiving, I just dont know I am starting to wonder about my dads sanity!
Anyway today we are once again honoured by the presence of "Barbie Feet" our safety advisor who was laughing hysterically at Alf's interview in the last issue of the Jungle Telegraph, The Honeymonster it seems is getting "Groomed" to take over as our new manager thats why he has had all his clothes thrown away.
Keith Chicken is off poorly with this dreaded Christmas Flu and its snowing, the first snowfall of the year, I have had the odd couple of wagons in, slightly busier than yesterday but nothing worth getting excited about.
Anyway its Friday tommorow, what a short week, my guess is that most people will be back to "normal" by next Monday

Good Morning ... Let The Stress Begin ...

Well here I am back at my despatch post, I got to sleep alright last night but woke up at around 330am and got back to sleep at 5am for some weird reason, I couldnt stop thinking of Veras again, could it be that if she is thinking of me then it causes my brain to pick up on her thoughts?
Anyway I dropped Luke of yesterday at his mums, he really wanted to stay at my house till he goes back to school on Monday but his mum wouldnt let him, you cant blame her really, other than Christmas Day she has hardly seen him all christmas, I think myself that her house is so packed with people that he enjoys the solitude of being at my mums house.
At his mums there is Rimmer (pka Master Shrek), Miss Jiggy who are Lukes Uncle and his girlfriend then there is The Ice Queen, plus The Russian Spy as well as Stig, Bobble and Baby plus there is another Russian Baby on the way!
Then there is Uncle Rimmers noisy parrot, so well I dont think poor Luke gets much peace and if he is ought like me he will thrive solitude.
So here I am, The Honeymonster was going to beat me up on arrival this morning when he found his fleece, coat, sweatsgirt in a plastic bag in the corner of the office surrounded by that red and white health and safety tape with skull and crossbones signs on the perimeter.
I told him it wasnt me so he went to complain to Dolph who tried his hardest to keep a straight face but it was Alf who did it just before christmas and he went and had a quiet word with the Honeymonster to explain about the strange odours that were emanating from his area leading up to the drastic action he had to take.
The illness I had to endure over Christmas seems to have decimated the population, The Honeymonsters wife has been in bed since Christmas Eve, Harry Potter is off really ill, apparently with added diarohea in addition to the symtoms I had.
The only drivers I have had in this morning are one bloke for 2 packs plus Black bird who told me all about Potter being on and of his potty.
So well the shock to the system is now over and I have been receipting and setting up new files for everything all morning, I have felt quite happy to be back, We have also been awarded planning permission for our new works which is good news.

Christmas Memories 2007

Well the end has finally come and its back to work tommorow to the Lost World, its like being an actor from a soap opera as soon as I go back I will automatically resume my post as "Mad Mick" amongst The Honeymonster, Dolph, Alf and Father Bell and the routine will turn back into normal, this is the only holiday I can have off and not have to play catch up because its the only time that sales of bricks stop and production slows to a crawl.
They never actually stop the kilns as a habit over christmas they just slow them right down, this highly technical procedure is calculated by Alf and skeleton staff take care of watching the plant.
Last night I really enjoyed my first AA meeting for 2 weeks, it felt so really good and I saw Vegas again, you know the Madonna song "Crazy For You" there is a line in the lyrics which say ... You're so close but still a world away and thats the way I felt when she wished me happy new year and I walked to my car, I have been thinking about Veras all day today, it feels almost like psychic links!
Anyway last night The Author was sharing and Bob The Builder was Chairing while "The Doctor" invited us all back to his house afterwards but I didnt go because Luke was at home waiting for me.
Luke has been with me just about all of Christmas and he doesnt want to go back home today but I have to return to work so I told him well he has to go see his mum and explain to her in person and not just telephone.
So well I guess its all over now, see you all back at work tommorow on my dinnerhour!