Streetwise Yo!

Me and Luke in the caravan as Gangsta's, of course we had to buy the latest street clothes and learn the street language from the three lads who came with us called Raving Gay, Party Pants and Marky B.
We had to learn some special moves as well which you can see from the gestures by our hands.
I have been really busy these first three days back at The Lost World, yesterday I went to Flintstones Park to learn our new "SAP" Purchasing system which goes "live" on August 26th, today I have been catching up with all the receipts.
Luke seems to be happy at my house, hes had his cousin there everyday, Mr Popple who was among the 14 of us on holiday.
I gotta admit I really enjoyed this holiday and have named it "Gangsta's Paradise" and the DVD will be finished tonight, the story I am 3 pages into.
Inspector Clusoe, June Ackland, Dawn Raider and The Headmistress where all at Flintstones Park, Clueso was as usual in his hypercritical mood about the state of the nation, telling me how we were all doomed, in fact I felt like slitting my wrists after briefly chatting to him, I certainly would not advise him to volunteer for the switchboard at sameritans.
The Headmistress who I worked with for about 1 year looked very well and was very accomodating but she still felt like Margerat Thatcher, Dawn was really nice providing me with a full salad for dinner.
I also met Vader again who was in Big Brothers old office having a light sabre duel with N-man, anyway I am gradually getting back into the routine again, and I feel totally recharged mentally, spiritually and physically from my holiday.
We have even booked next years Holiday while we were there because we got 10% off.
Anyway Ill see you all tommorow with an extract from the forthcoming story "Gangsta's Paradise"

Im Back Refreshed & Rejuvinated

Here is the 14 of us who went on our recent Holiday to Skipsea Sands, I aint going into detail about it all I will leave that to my forthcoming story called "Gangsters Paradise" but just to say it was the best holiday I have ever had by a long way.

On the photo is Left to right;

Dwain Dibbly, Odd Shoe, Buttercup (my niece), Mr Popple, Daffodil, The Bradley Megaphone, Luke Baggins (my son of course), Raving Gay, Marky B and Party Pants.

Superimposed at the front since we were not on the original is me, Sandra Bullock (sat), Sister Kylie and Herminie.

In the end Luke came with me for the full week and not only that but his mum has asked him where he wanted to live and hes chosen my house, so all ended well and I didnt need to spend all that time angry.

As you can imagine I am really busy today at The Lost World and on top of that I got to go training for this new Purchasing System tommorow at my old abode Flintstones Park with Dawn Raider.

I feel wonderfully relaxed, the weather here is really hot and sunny, like it has been for most of the holiday, in all I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off me.

Of course I am in the process of compiling the 2.8GB of video footage and photos into a DVD and writing a full account of the event which is being eagerly awaited by all my new friends, I am going to try and complete it by Saturday next week therefore the Jungle Telegraph will be delayed until next week as a result and there will be no bowling report this saturday.

So I guess I had better get back to work catching up, busy week this week, see you

SEE YOU 1 Week On Monday

This could be my last post before my holiday since tommorow I will be real busy with stock takes and getting everything finished ready for my absence of one week.

Dolph is really slave driving me today so I wasnt even gonna post now but he has allowed me ten minutes or so to scoff down my sarnies and write a bit of my memoirs.

I feel good today, I done a lot of my packing last night and I just got to get the rest of my shopping tonight then ill be ready for Friday.

Of course I will do a full story of my holiday when I get back and will post it on to my sister site www.madmickstories.com and link it to here, it will be called "Enter The Dragon".

At work things are going good, Alf has had day off but no one has really noticed anything different except we dont have to lead him back to his desk when he has another of his Alzeimers episodes.

Dolph seems happy he is busy humming and singing in his office while he updates the training matrix and Father Bell is zooming around doing half a job here and there but leaving confusion in his wake.

At home Alan Titsmarsh (my brother), Wonderwood (my dad) and Battyeford Lill (my mum) all seem ok though it does resemble sometimes a lunatic asylum.

Yes life is ok and if I dont see you tommorow while I have my Fish and Chips I will see you one week on Monday... er bye then, will someone please turn off the light, right see you ... (sound of door closing and being locked... then silence)

Anadin Extra

Harry Potter keeps sending me these hillarious emails and this was from his latest batch of funny photos entitled "When adds tell the truth", of course its got to be one for the next Jungle Telegraph, not that Dolph is that bad really
So what have I got to moan about today, well the Ice Dragon is very much on my mind, you know in some ways I cant wait till Luke gets to sixteen, someone should of given me a major warning about the future, well maybe someone did but I chose not to listen.
No wonder I am in no hurry to repeat it all over again with some other lady, but I keep still seeing Veras at my AA meetings, she is a lovely girl but then my mind flashes forward to 16 years henceforth and there is this gigantic gob sproating profanities at me with breath filled with stale fags and alcohol fumes and I think well maybe Im ok as I am.
Tonight I will be packing ready for our holiday, we are going Friday night and I reckon I might arrive about 9pm and then we will be sleeping one night on my mates caravan floor before putting the tent up on Saturday which is when I have booked from.
Of course I will have to take Luke back on Sunday but I am going to try and persuade the Dragon to let him come back later than 6pm otherwise I will have to set off back about 330pm, for my next Holiday I will have to get agreement in writing I have been advised so well so be it.
If she rfuses to sign I will take her back to court and apply for Joint Custody like my friend Dwain Dibbly has with his son Mr Popple, though by the time something is decided Luke would be 14 so makes you wonder if its worth it.
Anyway I have no doubt it will all blow over, though I dont think Luke will foget his mums latest evil deed, its going to take something to top that one, when he gets older I doubt he will have much to do with her and I dont blame him.
As soon as Luke is 16 I will breath a huge sigh of relief that I dont need to have anything to do with her again.
So whats happening here at work, well I have just given my Questionaire to Dougie who is going to see Oswald at home over the weekend to give him a full haircut, that will of course be in the Issue No27 of the Jungle Telegraph but before that I have got my maga release "Enter The Dragon" all about our Holiday, which will of course be accompanied with a DVD.
I will be stocktaking a week early on Friday and so far this week I have come to work everyday on Sh*tehawk, we also had one of the lowest selling days yet, yesterday with just 14,236 but the day before had 90,488 and today looks like another 80-90000 seller so it was just probably a blip.
On the Selling League, our drivers hall of fame looks like this;
Mv Jun Position Name Quantity
▲ 5 1 Stumpy 71,480
▼ 1 2 Wurzel 56,952
> 3 3 Tito Santana 45,365
▲ 10 4 Ian Archers 38,080
>> NE 5 Trevor Archers 36,864
▼ 2 6 Harry Potter 35,021
>> NE 7 Wearry Willie 34,436
▲ 13 8 Piggys Friend 28,736
▼ 6 9 Bruce Forcythe 27,878
▲ 15 10 Dino Archers 27,648
▼ 7 11 Keith Chicken 19,612
▲ 40 12 John 484 19,612
▼ 8 13 Jason Rudge 19,612
▼ 4 14 Deuce Bigalow 19,333
>> NE 15 D&A 18,432
▲ 35 16 YJ56KGN 18,432
>> NE 17 X853JCS / Haze 10,848
>> NE 18 WT55AMT 10,848
>> NE 19 BV57EWR 10,396
>> NE 20 Maximum Moaner 10,396
Oh and finally it looks like Madonnas latest single "Give It 2 Me" will be at No6 this week, with that I will bid you all farewell until tommorow

Bowling Match No9

Heres the video footage from our Ninth match at Ravensknowle Park which I scored my personal highest score of the season so far, losing 19/21, I was actually 19 accross on the last end but lost a 2, its the closest Ive been to winning!
The Knight Rider lost for the first time this season and dropped from No1 to No2 with Magyar moving up into the pole position.
Of course I will miss this weeks match at Skemanthorpe, since I am on Holiday but will be back for our next match on 2nd August.
Last night I was chatting to my chronically depressed Schitzophrenic Brother called "Alan Titsmarsh", well I say chatting maybe that is rather over described adjective but well he said he "wouldnt mind" doing a bit of bowling so I have offered after the holiday to get him a set of bowls from ebay (I have just asked father bell our ebay director now as I speak) and take him to our Rabbits club on Thursday evening.
I am still angry at the Ice Dragon, but its only simmering now after speaking to my AA sponsor and my boss here at the lost world, Dolph Lungren, both of them encouraging me to see things from her side of the fence.
He pinched money - doesnt matter how much and whats more he lied about it, The Ice Dragon applied her punishment by taking away the one thing he was looking forward to, really hurting him, a painful and well remembered lesson indeed.
I dont see why he should be punished though in my time but the Ice Dragon doesnt take him anywhere so there is no way for her to punish him and making it hurt.
But the problem is going forward, I cant book an holiday because when I arrange it and she agrees she is still liable to use it has punishment meaning I am out of pocket again in paying for it.
Now I remain with one holiday left which I will get my solicitor to send a letter explaining the date and get her to confirm it, stupid really but its what you got to do when dealing with people like her who are vindictive
Anyway at AA I have finished my 4 week stint at Chairman Job, I enjoyed last night especially seeing my sponsor, I introduced him to Uncle Buck who he said looked much better than when he last saw him.
Well Ill see you all tommorow

Feel Like Crap

I am coming out in sympathy with Shadow today, feel like crap and could I hell as sleep last night, I did get to sleep just as the milkman was delivering our milk at 5:30 and the alarm woke me up again at 6:10.
This morning I arrived at work at 7am feeling just like I did when I used to drink, and now I could just fall asleep here at my desk, only tonight I have got my last week of chairing at our AA meeting, next week will be our Holiday.
Since the Ice Dragon would not let Luke come after all and this time I did pray for her in typical AA fashion but I just still could not believe she could be so mean and hard to her sons, The reason why he is being punished is because he spent £2 of her change when he went to shop for some milk for her and he failed to tell her he was on report for talking in his maths class.
She said when I dropped Luke off on Sunday that the money Luke took was taking away money from the rest of the family, she said this while guzzling on a can of lager and clearly to me the beer was doing the talking.
Anyway I walked away and I will bring Luke back on Sunday night of our Holiday, hes 13 1/2 now and is growing up fast, he also seems really down and forlorn, still its more important for the Ice Dragon to "win" her argument than her sons to have a holiday.
Yes I could push my court agreement, but whats the point, if I didnt work and was on benifits it would be free but while I go to work it would cost about £300 though my dad said he would gladly pay it, he added he could not understand why a mother would go to such lengths to stop a son from going on holiday.
But in AA style Im dropping it, no doubt Luke will resent his mum for her latest evil trick, one year back before I went to court, back in 2003 she didnt let me see him from Nov until January.
Yesterday in the field with the dogs I did pray for her but I know God knew I didnt mean it, really I feel sorry for her.
She called me evil, twisted and schemeing, with spit flying from her mouth...
I walked away.
Anyway its dinnertime here at the lost World now and I aint eaten anything yet.
I will see you all tommorow

So Long and thanks for all the silly names

I am afraid that Mad Mick has been taken away, clearly he wasnt very well, some say it was working at The Lost World for the last 3 years but as his psychiatrist I can confirm it was a number of contributing factors.
Going to University and becoming a social recluse started the ball rolling but it could have even been before that when his troubles began.
After Graduating with a lower second in Physics he got a job at his fathers works at Sellers and spent 9 years being institutionalised there, he also developed a big drinking habit which turned to alcoholism.
During that time he met the Ice Queen and had a son called Luke to her and this added further to his slow slide down the plughole.
Sellers got rid of him for writing silly newsletters about them but by some miracle he managed to get a job at a Brick Factory where his drinking reached epic preportions reaching a climax in 2004 when he was referred to AA by one of my colleagues.
One year later he was tranferred to the Lost World and had in the meantime managed to quit drinking, he started making up names for everyone he met, annoying his workmates, wagon drivers and friends with his crazy newsletters called The Jungle Telegraph and its sister The Bradley Telegraph.
Towards the end he was sat at his desk "colouring in" pictures of men in his fantasy world of magic pixies with his tongue out, dribbling everywhere, it was finally seen that the men in white coats should come and take him away.

Alf & Hyacinth

A picture of our Assistant Manager, Alf and his lovely wife Hyacinth when she came for Christmas dinner last christmas.
Alf aint here today hes away at the monthly accounts meeting so we may get to know something when he returns, Dolph our manager is on Holiday and of course Oswald Cobblepot is recovering from his hip operation so theres been just me Father Bell and Badger, Oswalds temporary replacement in the office today, well them two are rushing around so its just really been me in here.
I am still adding to my Madonna blog which you can see here, its a list of all her UK singles which I have spent ages collating into a 70+ page word document because I am a bit of a Madonna Fan.
Today we have been quite busy since there are 2 million bricks to be transferred out of our stocking yard because its full and taken down south to a place called Waingroves but at the rate we are putting on to stock that might give us 8-10 weeks of half unsold production.
Got bowling practise tonight and I have just finished a DVD of all the footage from our first 8 matches which I will give to some of the members tonight, I also got a AA meeting on Friday then it will be one week to our Holiday on Saturday and my last match for three weeks, I do hope I win.
Well I guess thats all there is to say and ill see you tommorow

Doom And Gloom

All this doom and gloom is starting to get to me now and my friend Shadow hasnt posted on my blog, you can imagine how many rumours are flying about with the recent announcements but I would of been naive to have thought with the credit crinch and housing market crash combined with the increase in the cost of fuel for the kilns that there wasnt going to be some repercusions.
Nothing has still been mentioned about The Lost World closing and the only news has been filtering through from wagon drivers who visit the affected sites.
Still if the inevitable happens and The Lost World does close it starts a new chapter in my life of finding another job and doing something different, and in typical AA fashion I am powerless over things that are outside of my control.
Its all in the hands of my Higher Power, he probably sees me sat here and feels I am getting into another comfort zone and needs a big kick to get doing something different.
Problem is I like it here at The Lost World, its like being part of one big happy family, everyone is happy and has a laugh and a joke.
I have started doing a brand new blog here at http://michael-madonna.blogspot.com/ when its finished its going to be a list of all Madonnas UK hit singles, well I better get back to my duties and enjoy what time Ive got left at The Lost World

Vista - You Cant Be Serious

How does a huge dominating company like Microsoft produce a flagship operating system that is so unpopular?
My new computer had Vista on it and it was real slow and bloated so I quickly wibed it over with my nlite XP disc and my new computer run like a dream.
I reckon Microsoft was trying along with the computer industry to force everyone to buy new computers but it backfired on them, it just goes to show the saying is true, you can fool some of the people most of the time, most of the people some of the time but you cant fool all of the people all of the time.
Anyway heres a joke I found in my computer mag about Vista...
A teenager walks into a computer shop
Can I help you asks the assistant
Yes, I’m after a new game says the teenager
“Something with fancy graphics and lots of puzzles and challenges”
“We’ve got just the thing says the assistant Have you played Windows Vista?”
...
News Flash A lorry carrying a cargo of Windows Vista DVDs was hijacked this morning on the A38{M} Police say the gang of thieves took everything of value and then Left the vehicle abandoned They ask members of the public to contact them immediately if they witness anyone suspicious trying to sell a CB radio a packet of cheese and onion sandwiches and a
Birmingham A-Z
It was my third night at AA as chairman last night and a 83 year old bloke turned up to his first meeting which I had asked a lad who has been sober for 14 months to share.
He talked about his early morning drinking and his panic attacks which I really related to since I used to set my alarm one hour early so I could down a can of super lager (tramp juice) before I drove to work and I too had abandoned many shopping trolleys half full in the local supermarket before a panic attack took hold and had me darting out of the shop.
There was quite a bit of feedback about the white dog and the black dog, the white dog being your good side, the black dog being your anger, hatred and your dark side.
Feeding your white dog means coming to meetings, practising the steps, praying and doing service whereas the feeding the black dog means letting anger dominate, fear and not going to AA meetings.
I felt really tired yesterday after riding to work and back home on Sh*tehawk in the rain showers, hearing all the bad news about the closing of factories from wagon drivers, it seems that brick making is being hit by the double wammy of escallating fuel prices to fire the kilns and an acute downturn in the purchase of building materials due to the "credit crunch".
This has led to a big rationalisation and sadly the loss of many jobs, we still are in the dark about how it will effect us here at the lost world, no doubt we will find out very soon, probably read it in the paper before we are told by official sources

More Bowling

Two weeks to go to our holiday now, it will be nice to get away from computers for a while, I am also getting fed up of the general routine again, I do hope Luke can come with us.
I am getting a bit of writers block, scraping the bottom of the barrel for the newsletters, still I have put all these youtube clips together on to a DVD for the bowlers on Saturday, I have also done a really colourful Top15 of all our stats.
Well this morning I got wet on my motorbike on the way here, I have ordered the wrong labels for our bricks so have had to design some stickers to correct this, I have had a an argument with our coordinator about some bricks I let go out with the wrong code on the ticket.
I lost it a bit with the cleaner who when he was dusting my desk polished my apple and orange as well, the despatch and network printers wouldnt work this morning and to top all that off Harry Potter came in.
I hope this afternoon is better.
Tonight I wont finish till half past ten and I lost at bowling on Saturday 16/21 despite my guardian angel and spirit guide saying I was going to win, still he was the best player I have played so far.
I did say my prayers this morning and because of that I am able to shrug it all off like water off a ducks back, soon be Tuesday anyway and I hope you enjoy the bowling video from Saturday

Uncle Buck Loses it at Comet

Uncle Buck has just bought a new computer from Comet the other day however all his disk crashed and it all went back so he took it back to the shop.

They said that software faults arnt covered and he would have to contact the supplier, well I know some rights so I quoted the sale of goods act to them and they kept the computer.

That was a few days ago, he has since been back shouting and threatening the staff and last night we went back to see how they were getting on with it and by some miacle they told him to go pick a new one.

It makes me wonder if all this calm and serenity pays off, I mean they would of happily fobbed him off if he hadnt lost his rag with then and start telling other shoppers there shop was sh*t.

I gotta admit, I like Uncle Bucks style, but you can blame him, how can they sell a computer and refuse to take it back if it crashes after two days, I for one wont be shopping at Comet anyway.

Well its Friday and Ive finished THe Bradley Telegraph Issue 11 and The Bowling Telegraph Issue 7 ready for the weekend.

Last night I was practising at the rabbits club and Happy said, The Rainbow Warrior sends his regards, now The Rainbow Warrior was my number one fan when I used to write newsletters for Sellers in the late 90s, he would never miss an episode of my "Drunken Ramblinmgs" as I should of called it then.

Well I have had my Fish and Chips and am ready for the weekend now, we seem to have sold slighly more bricks than last week, I feel good and happy and Im in the car today, so Ill see you all on Monday.

PS Ive been on the phone to Oswald Cobblepot and hes had his operation now, he was conscious throughout listening to the sawing and grinding but was numb from the waste down.

He is back at home watching daytime TV and was happy to receive the Issue 26 of The Jungle Telegraph through the post.

He seemed really happy to hear from me and told me to phone him anytime, I gotta admit its boring at home.

Badger - The New Oswald

Here is Badger who has taken over tempoarily doing Oswalds job, he even goes to church which is something that not many people do in the UK anymore.
I reckon sometimes that is whats wrong with society, when people went to church there was a common good plus it also acted as a centre of the comunity where people would help each other and at the very least meet each other.
Society is so cold now, no wonder people want to escape from it with drugs or drink.
Well its Thursday and I am on Sh*tehawk again, yesterday I calculated that 100 miles which is two return journeys to work has cost me £7 which buys me 6 litres of petrol so with 1 gallon equating to 4.55 litres that means I used 1.35 gallons doing 100miles so my bike is doing 74 miles per gallon.
whereas Christine averages 40mpg of diesel which is £1.30 per litre so for 250miles it uses 6.25 gallons which is £1.30 x 6.25 x 4.55 = £37, Sh*tehawk only costs £17.50.
Well this morning I have had quite a few wagons in and in between I have receipted the last of the orders, Dolph our manager says when Oswald comes back he wont be able to walk at first so he will have to do my job and ill have to paint the office.
But there is a lot more to my job than just printing out the odd loading note, I keep track of all the drivers on my spreadsheet, I keep track of materials used ready for stock takes, I do a lot of purchasing and process purchase orders plus do his monthly access report, order all the safety gear etc.
Anyway if Badger continues doing the excellent job hes doing and Oswald sits at home and constantly eats he might not come back.
Well its bowling practise tonight and for my little projects I have just got to finish off the Bowling Telegraph and I have done about half of the new Bradley Telegraph

Jungle Telegraph Issue No 26 - Out Now

The new works mag, The Jungle Telegraph can be downloaded from here, it is now in its 26th incarnation and is packed with interviews, jokes and statistics from the place where I work known as the "Lost World"

All morning I have been preparing the June finacial report a Access report of all the things we have spent money on during June broken down by category, company etc.

Its interesting is some of them for example over £3000 for "Green house Gas Emmissions" to The Environment Agency, so yes how come the environment agency get this.

Sometimes I really believe that all this propaganda we are told is a load of money making bullsh*t, I mean our planet has seen the antartic have trees and grass on it a few million years ago who was worrying about greenhouse gases then?

Still I am powerless over people being brainwashed arnt I, its like banging your head against a brick wall complaining about the government.

I have worked out I am saving £20 per week coming to work on the motorbike, when I went up to ASDA last night to fill Christine up it cost £54 and it was just short of £1.30 per litre.

I was reading in New Scientist that they reckon that the world has passed "peak" production of oil, but all our infrastructure is "addicted" to oil, just think without oil, theres no plastic, no transport, no gas, the entire gears of society come to a grinding halt, and its going to happen, with peak production past and future demand growing the price is just going to carry on going up.

What do we do, theres no real alternatives to the internal combustion engine, I cant pedal 25 miles to work on a bicycle?

Still the government are again the real ones to blame, here in the UK they are taking 81.5p in every £1 you spend at the petrol pumps which is tantamount to theft when you considder all the other costs such has road tax, tolls spring up and down.

Very soon nothing will be moving anymore here in the UK, except me on Sh*tehawk

Name Confusion

Heres the video I did for our last match over at Almondbury which is quite near to Ice Mansion which is of course where Luke lives during the week.
I am still in the process of completing the 26th Issue of the infamous "Jungle Telegraph" which is coming along lovely with Jokes sent from Harry Potter, Interviews with Badger and Marci plus of course the usual statistics and foreword from our manager Dolph.
Dolph however was showing a bit of concern for the cost of producing a monthly certificate for the driver who took the most bricks out, I argued that it was an incentive for drivers to take more out but he counterargued that it drivers didnt have any word in it, it was up to sales to decide what bricks went out.
Alf called him a "witchy poop" when he went mumbling to himself back into the office.
I have just had a driver in from Dunnetts who was complaining about his name being wrong, he said he blames a breakdown in communication between myself and Hotpot for ending up with a stupid name like Deuce Bigalow.
He said its the Lancashire/Yorkshire Language barrier, apparantly Hotpot was referring to Tim The Terapin when he was calling someone Deuce Bigalow however I confessed I already had a name for Tim The Terapin but I didnt have one for him so he got stuck with it.
Alf says all the drivers are ending up as balmy as I am coming in complaining about there names.
Great news just out that Oswald Cobblepot is now back at home after his hip operation on Friday with his Zimmer Frame and his crutches, Alf added that he also seems to be growing a horn after the rhino hip was succesfully implanted, doctors are baffled by this but say it could be something to do with the tissue DNA.
Last night I was chairing the meeting again which of course turned into a bit of a commedy show when I kept referring people by the wrong name but other than that I really have enjoyed it so far and have another two weeks doing the job.
What we call "Chairman" here in Yorkshire is cycled on a 4 week period but I know that other groups refer to the job as secretary and some places you are stuck with the job for a year!
The Chairman organises a sharer and introduces the meeting, I reckon its only the third or fourth time I have done it but I feel the job was chosen for me this time round, I reckon Uncle Buck was a little impressed to see me there at the front table.
Anyway Ill see you all tommorow